We live in some awesome modern times, in which a classic movie like Ghostbusters can get a reboot — and an all-female, feminist one at that. I personally think we should be doing that for more movies, because us gals have adventures in packs, too. Then it came to me: What if Goodfellas had a cast of all women and was called Goodbellas (nice play on words, right?). Because those wise guys shouldn't be the only ones living the high life. Plus, Goodfellas did feature a badass chick in Karen Hill, played by Lorraine Bracco. So, what if the main cast were made up of badass lady Mafiosos?
Female mobsters are an actual, real-life thing these days — and to some, they're known as "queenpins" (get it?). In the early 2000s, a woman named Sandra Ávila Beltrán became the leader of a Mexican drug cartel and was released from prison earlier this year. Claudia Ochoa Felix was known as the "Kim Kardashian Crime Boss" of the Mexican gang Los Ántrax (and yes, she had an Instagram filled with selfies, too). Thelma Wright took over her drug lord husband's "family business" after his death in order to support her family and later went legit. So it's completely possible for a woman to rise to power in a powerful crime organization.
So what if Goodfellas was Goodbellas? Let's use our imaginations and find out.
Hallie Hill
For as long as she could remember, Hallie (played by Bella Thorne) wanted to be a gangster. She grew up watching mafia movies like Goodfellas (ahem) and The Godfather, as well as the TV series The Sopranos. So when she was recruited into the new Lucchese crime family while going to NYU's Stern School of Business, she goes for it.
Kevin Hill
But Hallie still retains her sweet, but equally money-minded college boyfriend Kevin (played by James Wolk), who remains at NYU and graduates with his business degree. While Hallie loves the thrill of the crime and the camaraderie she has with the ladies, Kevin loves the glamour and the money.
Tina DeVito
Within Hallie's crew, Tina (played by Uzo Aduba) has the hottest temper. She is easily set off and watch out when she is — she'll take her profanity-filled rants to Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and your face. And what she says usually lands her into trouble.
Jane "The Lady" Conway
Jane (played by Angelina Jolie) is a crime mastermind and a mentor to Tina. She can orchestrate murders, plan plane heists, and whack plenty of rival mobsters. Do. Not. Mess. With Her. (Or Angelina, for that matter)
Betty Batts
Hey, there can be more than one queenpin in this world. Betty (played by Sandra Bullock) is high-ranking mafia lady with the Gambino crime family and she really, really likes to highlight Tina's past as a Starbucks barista. Betty goes as far as to always, always teasingly asking Tina for a grande quad nonfat one-pump no-whip mocha. Tina hates it. You do not want to read Tina's Twitter after an encounter with Betty.
Joe Rossi
Well, Hallie has a guy on the side, too. He's from the mafia world, a runner named Joe (played by Taylor Kitsch). She sets him up in an apartment that Kevin finds out about one day. Kevin's not happy about it at all and has all the locks changed in their house, causing Hallie to live with Joe for awhile. But Jane convinces her and Kevin to reunite for a big heist job.
Who knows where the rest of the story will take them.
