The Top Mistakes Scorpios Make In Relationships (& How To Avoid Them)

Water signs are the most sensitive souls of the zodiac. That’s part of what makes dating a Scorpio zodiac sign such an intense and emotional experience. While there’s more to relationships than zodiac signs alone, looking to the astrology of love can help us all get on a more cosmic wavelength when it comes to romance. If you were born under the sign of the scorpion, knowing the most common mistakes Scorpios make in relationships and how to avoid them can make your love life flow a lot easier.

If you’re dating a Scorpio, then you could very well be entwined in one of the most passionate and all-consuming affairs of your life — because once Scorpio trusts someone with their heart, there’s no limit to how deep their love will go.

“It is part of Scorpio's journey to learn to handle their immense inner power, and mastering it is an absolute game-changer for [their relationships],” astrologer Narayana Montúfar, author of Moon Signs: Unlock Your Inner Luminary Power, tells Bustle. Scorpio is a water sign, which explains the intensity of their feelings and the fierce level of intimacy they crave in a partnership. While Scorpios have a reputation for being jealous — beware their poison-filled stinger! — it’s only because they’re such loyal and devoted lovers. Scorpios are mysterious, powerful, and sexually magnetic, making them some of the most fascinating and seductive partners around.

As an astrologer, I know that every zodiac sign has a unique way of approaching things in love and a different set of struggles to overcome when dealing with romance. When it comes to astrological dating advice for Scorpios, the best thing to do is to avoid making the following common mistakes in relationships.

1. Playing Power Games

Scorpios have a powerful presence and tenacity, but if they allow insecurity to get the best of them, they might be tempted to use their magnetic personalities to manipulate their lovers. Scorpios should remember that Machiavellian power plays and love games undermine a strong and healthy relationship. Your partner should be able to trust that your motivations are genuine, not calculated.

2. Going To Extremes

Scorpios are ruled by the planet Pluto, which is associated with extreme transformations and power dynamics. That’s why many Scorpios have the innate need to push limits as a means of measuring something’s success or strength. But an all-or-nothing approach in relationships can be problematic if it results in too many emotionally-charged highs and dysfunctional lows. Remember, Scorpios: A relationship doesn’t need to be an emotional roller coaster in order for it to be meaningful.

3. Taking Things Personally

Scorpios are one of the water zodiac signs, so they have a lot of sentimental feelings buried inside of them, even if they don’t show it. This sensitivity gives them a unique emotional intelligence and a strong intuition — but it can be an issue if they use it to read too far into their partner’s words or actions. Before taking something a lover does personally, Scorpios should reflect on whether what’s bothering them is valid or simply stems from a fear of getting hurt.

4. Keeping Tabs On Their Partners

It’s normal to want to feel connected to our partners and clued in to what they’re up to. But sometimes a Scorpio’s desire to be close to someone — or their distrustful paranoia about what could happen when they’re apart — can make it hard for them to give their lovers necessary space. “Constantly worrying about what their partner is doing when they’re not physically together is something that Scorpios need to learn to control,” Montúfar says. “Wanting to know what their partner is doing 24/7 comes from the deep need to merge at a soul level, but it can also come from insecurities from past relationships.”

5. Not Maintaining Emotional Boundaries

As the sign associated with the eighth house of the zodiac in modern astrology (which is all about deep bonds and intimacy), many Scorpios have a desire to fully meld souls with their beloveds. Losing track of where you begin and where your lover ends can be intoxicating, but it can also leave little room to establish healthy boundaries. Scorpios should practice making more space for differences, as well as communicating and respecting limits within relationships.

6. Being Possessive

Scorpios are fiercely devoted to those they love, but the flipside to this is that they can be super possessive — they expect a lifelong Twilight-esque level of loyalty from anyone who gains access to their padlocked heart. Once they let someone in, they can be very possessive of them, as these sensitive water signs are afraid of getting hurt. Working to build security, stability, and trust with a partner can help to mitigate jealousy in relationships and create more freedom for all parties.

7. Holding Unfair Double Standards

Scorpios require lots of privacy, and any invasions of that privacy by a partner could prove unforgivable. But while their mates must be on their absolute best behavior, untrustful Scorpios are sometimes tempted to indulge in some not-so-respectful behaviors behind their backs (like lying or snooping through their texts). If you’re a Scorpio, try to see things from your partner’s perspective and treat them how you want to be treated.

8. Wanting Too Much Control

Scorpios hate to feel vulnerable or out of control. But love is unpredictable by nature, so these cosmic scorpions sometimes have a tendency to get a little too authoritative or restrictive within relationships. “One mistake Scorpios often make is trying to control their partner's actions — a type of behavior that often shows up when the honeymoon phase is over,” Montúfar says. Scorpios must recognize that they can’t control what anyone else does. Getting comfortable with giving their partners room to make their own choices is a must.

9. Brooding All The Time

Given that the deeply emotional sign of Scorpio is associated with themes like the occult and taboo, it’s no surprise that their moods can get dark and heavy. While they may see their nihilistic attitudes as being realistic, brooding all the time and fixating on doom and gloom can take a toll on their close relationships. It’s important for Scorpios to consciously look at the bright side and embrace a glass-half-full mentality.

10. Being Suspicious Without Reason

Despite being tender and sensitive inside, Scorpios often hide behind a steely façade to protect themselves. But even once they let someone in, their fear of vulnerability can cause them to keep their guard up and feel constantly suspicious of their partners. Being overly mistrusting could cause Scorpios to miss out on a truly rewarding love, so they should make sure to communicate their feelings instead of jumping to paranoid conclusions.

11. Keeping Secrets

Everyone has things that they choose to keep private from their lovers. But sometimes Scorpios can take their secrecy to an extreme and wind up inadvertently withholding important feelings or information. Scorpios crave close-knit connections, but when they close themselves off and hide skeletons in their closets, they end up standing in their own way. By sharing things more openly, Scorpios can actually build more trust within their relationships.

12. Having A Tit-For-Tat Attitude

Scorpios are one of the ultra-focused fixed zodiac signs, which makes them determined and steadfast when it comes to getting what they want. Unfortunately, this competitive streak can lead to Scorpios constantly keeping score in relationships, and getting vindictive if they’re ever hurt. Love shouldn’t feel like a battle, so if you’re a Scorpio, determine whether the person you’re involved with is your mate or opponent and act accordingly.