I'm sure you've heard it before: relationships are based on compromises. Though the phrase seems as overplayed as almost any song on the radio, the reason you hear it so often is because there is a lot of truth to it. When two people are put together, there will almost always be a time when they don't agree. And now that you're a twosome, both of you will have to involve the other person when deliberating over decisions. Whether this entails something important like where you're going for Thanksgiving, or something as trivial as what will be on the TV Tuesday nights, long-term love can only work if you learn to compromise in relationships.
And those who are all too familiar with compromise will tell you it's a combination of give and take, and finding a common ground that helps a couple navigate disputes or different lifestyle habits. For example, he/she may want to go to an EDM event, and you can't stand that type of music, but you go because your Monday nights during Bachelor season is an almost sacred event. That being said, there are compromises in a relationship you should never make, but in order to tell the difference, I've made a list of all the agreements, spoken or not, that will help you keep your LTR on the path to success.
1. Where You Live
When you guys get serious enough, and you've agreed it's time to move in, where to live becomes the next biggest issue. If he/she is from somewhere distant, or has dreams of moving out of your mutual home state to start somewhere fresh, it's time to have a serious talk. Take both of your careers into consideration, as well as what both of you want, and establish a new living place that will be beneficial to the both of you, even if that means sacrificing some of what you originally wanted.
2. Where You Spend The Holidays
This is a BIG one. Anyone who has ever been in an LTR will tell you that the holidays will always be the struggle. Maybe he/she is used to doing Thanksgiving at their parents, but this year your parents have already planned a trip for the family. There are plenty of holidays that the two of you can negotiate between; maybe you get Thanksgiving this year, but he/she gets Christmas. It's a give and take, and it's not the end of the world.
3. How You Spend (Some Of) Your Free Time
Also super important is how you guys agree to spend your mutual, free time. Even if you are beyond compatible, there will always be interests that he/she has which you don't share. If this weekend he/she wants to go see his/her favorite band, maybe go with them, and agree that next weekend you decide what to do.
4. What You Spend Money On
If you're in an LTR that is headed toward permanent commitment, shared funds will suddenly become a very real ordeal. When budgeting your shared finances for expenses like your house/apartment, utilities and groceries, these financial situations need to be made together. But even if you're not there yet, you'll likely be spending money when you go out together. Maybe this time he/she will pick up the tab at your favorite restaurant, but your next date to the movies is all you. Financial difficulties can make or break a relationship, so just make sure you include your partner in when you decide to budget.
5. Scheduling
This coincides with number three, but also brings your friends into the mix. You will likely have a life outside of your relationship (which you most definitely should) and will therefore need to plan your time in a way that allows you to maintain your friendships, but also see your partner often. Your partner may want all of your time on Saturday, but it's your college roommate's birthday. In this case, tell your partner this Saturday goes to your roommate, but the next is all for them.
6. How You Navigate Fights
Fights will happen, and when they do it's best to know how both you and your partner respond to make sure something small stays that way. Maybe he/she has issues opening up and talking in a fight, or maybe you have a tendency to jump to conclusions. Either way, the two of you must be able to let go of any negative feelings or tendencies that inhibit you from moving on from a fight. Discuss together how you will talk, and navigate the less-than-ideal moments of your relationship, and be sure to stick to what each of you have promised each other.
7. Your Expectations Of Your Partner
It's hard not to have expectations of your partner in a relationship. Whether you want them to be the ideal romantic who could give Shakespeare a run for his money, or you want them to agree with all of your opinions, there comes a time when you have to realize they're only human. Every so often you have to let that person make mistakes, because you're likely to make them too. As long as you both know how to move beyond these mistakes, and discuss things in a healthy way, the two of you will be set to overcome pretty much anything that comes your way.
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