Is Justin Bieber Retiring?

If Justin Bieber were (god forbid) in the Harry Potter universe, what house do you think he'd be in? Dude's not a Ravenclaw. Probably Slytherin, right? This is relevant (kind of), I promise. Justin Bieber just said something about retiring after his next album — the one coming out in a week. Cue 45 million Beliebers hyperventilating into their commemorative "Swaggy" merch.

Bieber said this thing — "I'm actually, I'm retiring man, I'm retiring" — at an interview at Power 106 today (you can watch the video over at TMZ). His team immediately responded with a resounding "LOL no."

Considering the shitstorm that regularly follows Bieber through his life, we wouldn't blame the kid (who, reminder, is not even two decades old yet) if he wanted to take a breather. With Bieber we feel vaguely like we do towards Scandal's Olivia Pope (though less reverent and he's got way worse taste in outerwear): We kind of want him to just quit everything and go live in Canada and make maple-flavored things and live away from all the drama. (But not with Fitz)

...But the dude's also making gazillions (number approximate) off of that shitstorm, so when his camp asserts that Bieber was joking — which is what the video sounds like — we are inclined to believe them.

As one of them reportedly said to TMZ, "the kid's got ambition." Like a Slytherin! See? Narrative symmetry.