Robin Thicke's Feel Good Video Is A Parade Of Things He Thinks Ladies Like

Ladies, Robin Thicke wants you to "Feel Good" about him again, so he's got this new music video in which he gives you everything you've ever dreamed of. He knows you ladies (see: valuable music-loving demographic making up 50.8 percent of the U.S. population) have shied away from him since his "Blurred Lines" music video objectified naked, prancing models and lulled the nation into poppy submission despite its questionable lyrics. He knows you were mad when he called that song "a feminist movement." He knows that grabbing that girl's hiney at a club hours after accepting Miley Cyrus' twerks at the VMAs was detrimental to his image. And he knows that his Elle interview just convinced us he gets it all very honestly.

But he wants us back, ladies. He needs to get back in our good graces. And how might he do that after offending us for an entire summer and the event-bereft wasteland between August 31 and Halloween? By creating a video with so much lady bait that we can't help but throw our hard-earned dollars at him while screaming, "Yes, Robin! It does feel good and I don't find this song to be unnecessarily sexual in any way!"

And because he's so on-point, we must celebrate that "fact" by highlighting all the ways Thicke has just proved he really, truly understands women. But first, the video:

Did you catch all that? It's okay, we captured it all for you:

Things Ladies Like, According to Robin Thicke

• Men with open shirts who regret things
• Men who take time to smell the glitter-encrusted drug store roses

• Pianos in the sky
• Or pianos on Mount Olympus? Seriously, where is this supposed to be?

• Coordinated dance numbers set to techno beats and flashing lights, completed with costumes made of Christmas pageant vests
• Watching lady dancers cheat death by dancing on a rooftop

• Watching Robin Thicke play roulette and craps at the same time
• Jumping up and down while watching Robin Thicke play craps
• Watching Robin Thicke, as a state of being

• Men who drink scotch alone on the floor and regret things
• Men who drink scotch — with ice — alone on the floor and regret things

• Men who bounce back from inexplicable scotch wallowing by imagining more things ladies like
• Champagne that is not sparkling wine from France, but rather glitter in a bottle aimed at your face

• More drug store roses
• Commands spelled out via dancers in shiny shirts with no pants

• Feelings
• Robin Thicke

Nice try, Sleazy McTightpants.