Entertainment

26 Bananas 'Goonies' Moments You Need To Re-Live

by Mary Grace Garis

Sep. 4, 2015

As a final farewell to the summer season, I recently attended a local screening of The Goonies for yet another bad movie re-watch. With The Goonies turning 30 in June and rumors of a sequel permeating the news cycle, it felt like the perfect last adventure to end our summertime bad movie rewatch (although it takes place in fall, whatever). Mainly, this is because The Goonies is a weird movie, and to actually paraphrase a friend, "Goonies is like a Hot Topic t-shirt movie." And that's not necessarily a bad thing, it just means that the movie's cult status mars the fact that it is soooooo ridiculous.

I think even hardcore fans will have a hard time arguing this with me. The Goonies is a beloved classic — I get it. But, for all its quirk, charm, and lumps of childhood wonder, is a convoluted movie about... treasure or something? Real estate? A crime family printing out money? Honestly, I'm not 100 percent sure what the film is about, and maybe that's my problem. It runs about 20 minutes too long, and those last five minutes the most insane thing I've ever seen in my life.

Still, it made for a great pre-autumn rendezvous, and I had a lot of fun capturing the wackiness. So in chronological order, here is all the insanity in your favorite childhood classic, The Goonies.

1. Pepsi: Your Favorite Pink, Frothy Drink

I have really fond memories of the soda as a child, along with that grand adolescent pastime... pizza-smearing.

2. I, Too, Tend To Frame All My Treasure Maps

You don't?

3. "Oh God Am I Depressed," Chunk Says, Funneling Whipped Cream Into His Gullet

He is all of us.

4. The '80s

In case you forgot.

5. That's "Water" In Those Glasses

Just another quality meal at Olive Garden. (Breadsticks are good, though.)

6. This Speared... Bird Thing?

I'm frightened by the logistics of this.

7. The Counterfeit Dollars Don't Have Any Back Printed Out

Not really bright, those Fratellis.

8. The Fact That Chunk Is Able To "Smell" Ice Cream Through A Locked Freezer

Whereas the average person can't smell ice cream unless they're, like, head first in a bucket of mint chocolate chip.

Also he somehow doesn't smell Inexplicable Corpse.

9. This Oscar-Worthy Cryface

It puts Kim Kardashian to shame.

10. "Look, A Waterfall!"*

*Basically sewage.

11. "This One, This One Right Here, This Was My Dream, My Wish. And It Didn't Come True. So I'm Taking It Back."

I know he's speaking in metaphors, but he says it with a lot of certainty considering he can't tell the difference between President Kennedy and Martin Sheen.