'The Sims' 'BB17' Obstacle Course Is A Cakewalk

Previously on The Sims Big Brother 17: Sim fists flew; Sim James and Sim Jace drew their paintbrushes, stood before their respective easels, and duked it out; Ghost Sim Vanessa consumed every bowl of cereal the fridge had to offer; I wondered if I should start refrigerating my cereal, or if Sim cereal is just notoriously perishable. You can check out the seventh installment of The Sims Big Brother 17 here.

“What if Sim Big Brother pulled an Emeril Lagasse?” I asked myself as I cracked open my The Sims 3 CD-ROM case this week. “What if I *BAM* kicked it up a notch? And what if I *BAM* really tried to make a dated pop culture reference happen?" I was bored with the two-person eviction challenge. I was ready for a six-person eviction challenge. So, I did what felt right: I built an obstacle course on the second floor of The Sims Big Brother 17 house.

First, I installed fog machines, bat hologram machines, confetti machines, and strobe lights. I wanted it to feel as much like a laser tag arena as possible. I purchased bulky pieces of furniture and even bulkier pieces of decor. Using the inanimate objects, I created an obstacle course maze. And then, I placed a cake at the finish line. (Why cake? Because cake.) The last Sim to reach the cake would be sent to watch TV with Sim Austin and Sim James.

As anyone who has played The Sims knows, Sims are idiots. Not only can they not find their way out of a paper bag, but they definitely can't find their way around a paper bag. I thought a room full of obstructions would make for an amusing challenge. I was not wrong.

This week's episode doesn't feature any Sim deaths, Sim fire, or Sim paparazzi, but it does feature PLENTY of obstacle course mêlée. Why don't you grab yourself a slice of cake and cozy on up to this recap?

The Moment When Sim Houseguests & Ghost Sims Kicked It In The Kitchen:

Aw. The Mortal Sims and the Ghost Sims really have become a family, haven't they?

The Moment When Sim Ja — Do I Even Need To Say It?

Aw. The fish and Sim Jace really have become a family, haven't they?

The Moment When The Sim Newspaper Delivery Girl Got On My Case For The Zillionth Time:

Don't hold your breath, papergirl.

The Moment When Sim Austin Couldn't Decide What He Wanted To Eat:

If he keeps wasting food like this, I might have to evict him from the eviction studio apartment.

The Moment When I Confirmed Sim Liz Is Still Alive And Well:

She's going to win this whole thing, isn't she?

*Checks watch* Oh, whoa. Would you look at that! It's obstacle course tour o'clock. Let's get to it, then.

First, The Sims Must Walk Around Some Couches:

No shoes on the gorgeous faux cowhide furniture, please!

And Then, The Sims Must Traverse Two Shuffleboard Tables, Some Trees, And A Car:

You better believe I bought a car just for this challenge. I really went all out.

And Then, There's A Pile Of Bulky Dumpsters To Deal With:

Pro tip: Hold your breath until you pass the dumpsters.

Watch Out For The Bales Of Hay, The Statues, & The Tree:

Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but the fog machines and strobe lights really tie the room together.

Once The Sims Get By The Bales Of Hay, It's Smooth Sailing:

Just stroll on past the Tron-esque end tables and grab a slice of cake. Easy peasy.

When You Reach The Finish Line, It's Caaaake Tiiiiiiime:

If there was cake at every finish line, I wouldn't have quit the track team after one year.

The Moment When I Placed All Of The Sim Houseguests At The Starting Line:

Well, everyone except for Sim Liz. I don't know how she's still alive, but I am beyond impressed. So, I've granted her immunity.

The Moment When When I Hit The "Play" Button And Sim Da'Vonne Broke Into A Sprint:

She's not about to waste any time. I respect that.

The Moment When Sim Da'Vonne Blew Past The First Two Sets Of Obstacles:

Huh. I guess this obstacle course is significantly easier than I thought.

The Moment When Sim Da'Vonne Would Not Be Slowed Down By The Bales Of Hay:

I didn't realize I left that much space between the hay and the wall. Oh, that will not do. That will not do at all. I'm going to have to fix that.

The Moment When Sim Da'Vonne Made It Out Of The Maze:

She really crushed that challenge.

The Moment When Sim Da'Vonne Peed At The Top Of The Stairs:

Here I thought Sim Da'Vonne was just in it to win it. Turns out, she just had to wiz. What a let down.

The Moment When The Other Houseguests Still Couldn't Figure Out How To Get Around The Couches:

Y'all can do this. I believe in you. Follow Sim Da'Vonne's lead. Er, don't wet your pants. You know what I mean.

The Moment When Sim Clay Was Really Annoyed With Me/Sim Big Brother:

Maybe stop trying to walk through the couch? Just a thought.

The Moment When I Added Some Partitions To The Obstacle Course:

Yeah, it's probably unfair to change things after Sim Da'Vonne finished the maze, but whatever.

The Moment When I Fixed The Hay/Wall Issue:

NO ONE WILL GET AROUND THE HAY NOW. *Rubs hands together like a Sim Burglar.*

The Moment When Sim Becky Thought This Was As Good A Time As Any To Play Some Shuffleboard:

Oh. OK.

The Moment When Sim Becky Made Her Way Around The First Set Of Partitions:

Seriously? I've seen Sims throw in the towel when a small houseplant "blocked" their path. Since when can they shimmy past giant dividers?

The Moment When Sim Becky Let Me Know She Couldn't Walk Around The Tree:

YES! My obstacle course isn't a total bust after all.

The Moment When The Other Houseguests Continued To Be Overwhelmed By The Couches:

Classic Sims!

The Moment When Sim Becky Reminded Me That The Tree Was A Huge Issue:

OK, fine. FINE. I'll make some minor adjustments. I suppose I don't want to trap the houseguests in here forever.

The Moment When I Moved The Bales Of Hay Away From The Tree:

*Sigh.* It was fun while it lasted.

The Moment When Sim Jace And Sim Clay Left Sim Jackie And Sim Audrey Behind:

Sorry, cowhide couches. You put up a good fight.

The Moment When Sim Clay And Sim Jace Stared At The Bales Of Hay:

No, I won't move the hay again. I'm done moving hay. Figure it out, dudes.

The Moment When Sim Becky Thought This Was A Good A Time As Any To Think About Diamonds:

Oh. OK.

The Moment When Sim Jace And A Sculpture Yukked It Up:

Leave it to Sim Jace to have an inside joke with a sculpture.

The Moment When Sim Clay Escaped The Obstacle Course:

You did it! Help yourself to a slice of cake!

The Moment When I Realized Sim Becky Was The Only Houseguest Left:

Uh, why is Becky just standing there? Why did she let everyone run right on past her? Does she not realize she just lost her spot in the house? Does she even care?

The Moment When Sim Becky Let Me Know Her Bladder Was At Its Wits' End:

All the more reason to STOP JUST STANDING THERE.

The Moment When Sim Becky Finally Found The Exit:

Sim Becky was the last to leave, so we know that means: EVICTION.

The Moment When Sim Becky Said Her Goodbyes:

Ghost Sim Liz got all sorts of sentimental. You might say she really boo-hooed.

The Moment When Sim Becky Moved Into The Eviction Studio Apartment:

Someone unmade your bed for you and everything!

The Moment When Sim Jace Got Back To Work:

This painting isn't going to paint itself.

The Moment When Sim Jace Finished His Masterpiece:

What better way to commemorate trouncing Sim James in last week's painting battle?

The Moment When Sim Jace Admired His Masterpiece:

He couldn't wait to frame it.

The Moment When A Sim Art Appraiser Sent Me A Memo:

"Average."

The Moment When I Noticed Ghost Sim Meg Hovering Above The Second Floor:

What are you doing up there, Ghost Sim Meg?

The Moment When I Realized Ghost Sim Meg Has Morphed Into A Periscope:

Thanks for keeping an eye out, Ghost Sim Meg. Let me know if those pesky paparazzi stop by again, OK?

Next week: I buy a diving board for the pool, Sim Jace decides whether or not he's going to sell his painting, The Unbreakable Simmy Liz receives immunity once again, and I evict TWO houseguests. Oh, and! There will definitely be more cake. Because cake.

Images: The Sims 3/EA Games (43); Kristie Rohwedder/Bustle (43)