In case you missed it, this happened: A woman who tried to bring a full-sizes, $200 bottle of Remy Martin cognac onto a plane at the Beijing Capital Airport ended up chugging the whole thing before boarding after she was told she wouldn't be allowed to fly with the bottle. Naturally she became too drunk to fly and passed out in a wheelchair until a family member retrieved her. It's kind of funny, sure — but let's also use this story as a learnin experience. There are many better ways to booze on a plane so you are not like the cognac wheelchair woman, because you definitely don't want to be her when she wakes up with one heck of a hangover later on. Or, y'know, alcohol poisoning. Either way, you're going to have a bad time.
I've always romanticized drinking on airplanes, because it seems like a very chic and sophisticated thing to do (and also Instagram about). Unfortunately I get massively motion sick on airplanes because I'm a useless human, though, which means that I have yet to actually do it successfully. However, that doesn't mean I haven't researched it.
To be honest, it's actually pretty straightforward when it comes to successfully cruisin' and boozin'. If you're an anxious flier and tend to rely on medications to calm you down, maybe re-think adding a whole lot of liquor. We've all seen Bridesmaids, we've probably all seen The Twilight Zone, and nobody wants to be hallucinating about anything hanging off the wing of the plane.Here's how to enjoy a little tipple while you're way high up there in the air without suffering from a monumental, metaphorical crash later on:
1. Stick to mixed drinks.
They're easier on your stomach than straight liquor, they taste better (in my opinion) (which is the right opinion), there's less alcohol overall so you don't immediately fall down the proverbial drunk rabbit hole, and sipping mixed drinks is classy.
2. Pack your own alcohol.
Mini bottles are the best, plain and simple. As advised by the official TSA Blog (for real), passengers are allowed as many 3.7 ounce bottles as fit inside a quart-sized baggie — a stipulation that includes mini bottles of alcohol, which are generally 1.7 ounces. You do the math (but actually, though, that's too many conversions for me).
3. Hydrate.
With water, not with more alcohol, you fiends. Flying massively dehydrates you, as you probably already know, and so does drinking alcohol, as you hopefully already know. Don't ruin it for everybody else. Drink at least one of those little plastic cups of water between alcoholic beverages to keep yourself from getting to drained.
4. Pace yourself.
Guys, airports have bars for a reason. Save those mini bottles for the plane and get yourself a drink while waiting to board, if boozin' and cruisin' is really your game here. Just be sure it's not, like, four drinks. I've never done this, but boarding a plane already drunk sounds, uh, miserable. You want to hit the tipsy sweet spot of not sober, but also not belligerent — or sick.
5. Don't forget the golden rule.
Moderation is key, guys. Never, ever forget that.
Images: Joriel "Joz" Jimenez/Flickr; Giphy (5)
