I love drag more than the normal amount. So it should come as no surprise that since I take such joy from beautiful and often gay men donning frocks and looking infinitely better than I would in them. I take equal joy in the unparalleled success of the Madea movie franchise. Is Tyler Perry mildly insufferable? Sure! But throw him in a fat suit that gives him boobs and I am as won over as the next girl/boy/adult/any human ever. Because drag is amazing and funny and beautiful and I'm of the opinion that there are nowhere near enough drag queens imitating older women, I watch every Madea movie religiously, and take it's life lessons to heart. Trust me when I tell you, if my man mouths off or comes at me, he is getting a faceful of hot grits so quick he won't know what hit and probably blinded him.
But I can't help but think that given how unique Madea is, we need her in more, shall we say, unique situations. Sure, a divorce, Christmas, family reunions, check check and check but what about the times where, were we in the fictional Madeaverse, we'd appreciate her most? I don't need a crazy aunt at my Christmas party, there are several, but I'd definitely go see Madea in movies about:
1) The DMV
Madea Does The DMV or, as an alternate title, I Can Reregister My Plates All By Myself.
2) At South By Southwest
Just imagine, Madea letting loose on a couple flower-be-decked rich girls for daring to sway into her considerable during Alt-J's set. I'm crying even thinking about it.
3) Trapped At Occupy Wall Street
I would love to see a movie wherein some bitch-ass New York cop tries to pepper spray Madea. Girl please, she's been living in a tent for weeks and she will not take any shit.
4) Doing Jury Duty
Literally everyone gets riled about jury duty. So we could bet that Madea would be ever more riled. Plus you know she would rain down justice with an iron fist and a fluttering housecoat.
5) Waiting In Line To Sit On Santa's Lap
Children come first? Oh heeeeellllll no, only Madea's grandbabies come first. I know that Madea is Mrs. Claus in her new movie, A Madea Christmas, but hell, it's my daydream and I can afford to be specific.
