Things Literally Heat Up On 'The Sims' 'BB17'

Previously on The Sims Big Brother 17: Sim Jeff and Sim Shelli came from the dead; Sim Jeff and Sim Shelli died again; the Sim Ghosts spent the wee hours of the morning gobbling up waffles; Sim Da'Vonne and Sim Austin fixed the broken kitchen appliances; the dearly departed Sim John is now a paparazzo, and now I’m convinced he faked his own death for journalism. You can check out the fifth installment of The Sims Big Brother 17 here.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been a real wuss about the whole eviction thing. Well, I finally got around to it. This week, I finally gave one of the houseguests the boot.

Here’s a quick refresher on the eviction process: the first two houseguests to do something that torques my jaw (e.g., leaves a blue pee puddle on a floor, fails to clean up after themselves after a meal, destroys an appliance, etcetera) will be up for eviction. And then, I will make those two houseguests play a round of chess. The first houseguest to increase their Logic level will be safe. The other houseguest will be kicked out.

If I've learned anything from the disaster that has been The Sims BB17, it’s that these Sim houseguests are helpless messes. If I locked the evicted Sims out of the BB17 house, it's not like they'd go find a Sim Airbnb situation or rent out a guest bedroom. They would probably stand next to the BB17 house mailbox and wave at me until I let them back inside. Who knows how long they'd last in the wilds of the Sims suburbs.

Taking all of this into consideration, I built a fully-furnished studio apartment above the BB17 house. The evicted Sims will live in this apartment. I am of the opinion that this season of The Sims Big Brother 17 has seen enough tragedy already, so I want to do whatever I can to, uh, not kill the evicted Sims. I know, I know. I'm so thoughtful. Onto the highlights!

The Moment When I Finished Building The Eviction Studio Apartment:

What it lacks in jacuzzi it makes up for in flatscreen TV.

The Moment When I Attached An Elevator To The Eviction Studio Apartment:

And duh, the remaining BB17 houseguests do not have access to the elevator. Only the evicted may leave.

The Moment When Sim James and Ghost Sim John Struck Up A Conversation:

Baby bottles, eh? That's the topic you chose to lead with, Ghost Sim John? Well. OK then.

The Moment When Sim James Asked Ghost Sim John His Feelings Regarding Headstones:

That escalated quickly.

The Moment When Ghost Sim John Told Sim James He's More Of A Fan Of Urns:

Oh. OK.

The Moment When Sim James and Ghost Sim John's Friendship Blossomed:

I wish The Sims had a BFF necklace situation.

The Moment When Sim Jace Pulled A Real Sim Jace:

What is it about that fish tank?

The Moment When I Checked On Sim Liz, aka The Last Of Houseguests 9-16:

Keep hanging in there, champ!

The Moment When The Houseguests Went Skinny Dipping Next To The Graveyard:

So tasteful.

The Moment When Sim Austin Started A Fire:

I wasn't kidding about evicting houseguests for breaking appliances, Mr. Top Hat! Save the grill, Mr. Top Hat! Your chance at winning The Sims BB17 depends on it, Mr. Top Hat!

The Moment When Sim Austin Freaked Out At The Fire:

If I didn't tell him to extinguish the fire, who knows if Sim Austin would've ever stopped shrieking and flapping his arms around like a top hat-wearing bird.

The Moment When The Smoke Seeped Through The Wall:

Great. Just great. I knew I should've invested in fire-retardant wallpaper.

The Moment When Sim Austin Finally Broke Out The Fire Extinguisher:

The grill is totally donezo. It cannot be repaired. I'm going to have to replace it. Hate to do this, Sim Austin, but you're up for eviction.

The Moment When The Newspaper Delivery Girl Shamed Sim Big Brother/Me:

Well, I'll be. Didn't realize Mess Police were patrolling the neighborhood.

The Moment When I Took A Look At The Mess:

Oh, come on. There aren't that many newspapers on the lawn. Way to overreact, Mess Police.

The Moment When Sim Clay Carried A Bowl Of Toxic Sludge To The Table:

Ew, what is that he has in his hand?

The Moment When I Found Out What Sim Clay Was About To Ingest:

AUGH. No no no no. Don't do it!

The Moment When Sim Clay Gobbled Up The Horrifying Mac & Cheese:

Do you know what he did next? You better believe he left the garbage-coated dish on the table. UP FOR EVICTION.

The Moment Before Sim Clay and Sim Austin's Eviction Chess Game Began:

It was going to— HOLD UP. What's going on in that bathroom?

The Moment When I Realized Sim Jace Decided To Scrub A Foul Toilet Without My Instruction:

Wow! What a go-getter! What a star!

The Moment Sim Clay And Sim Austin Began The Match:

I'm sweating already.

The Moment When Sim Austin Said He Would Not Be The One Leaving The House:

So confident.

The Moment When Sim Clay Disagreed With Sim Austin:

So confident.

The Moment When Sim Clay's Logic Level Increased Before Sim Austin's Did:

Congratulations, Sim Clay. You are the winner. You will not be evicted this week.

The Moment When The Game Declared Sim Austin The Loser:

Womp womp.

The Moment When The Game Declared Sim Clay The Winner:

Welp. You know what that means: It's time to bid Sim Austin adieu.

When Sim Austin Stormed Out Out Of The Room:

EESH.

The Moment When Sim Austin Stomped Around And Complained About The Broken Hot Tub:

He headed to the eviction studio apartment without saying goodbye to anyone.

The Moment When Sim Austin Couldn't Stop Thinking About The Broken Hot Tub:

I didn't have the heart to tell Sim Austin that the state of the hot tub is no longer his concern; he won't have access to the house's outdoor area anymore.

The Moment When Sim Austin Got Stuck In The Elevator Doors:

I am so sad I didn't witness this with my own two eyes.

The Moment When Sim Austin Hailed A Cab:

Ol' stir crazy Sim Austin didn't waste any time getting the heck away from the BB17 property.

The Moment When Sim Austin Went To The Beach:

As Sheryl Crow once sang, "Sim Austin wants to soak up the Sim sun."

The Moment When Sim Austin Sprinted To The Sand:

He wore his best pair of swim jeans to the beach and everything!

The Moment When Sim Austin Sprinted To The Water:

WHERE'S HE GOING? DOESN'T HE KNOW THOSE SWIM JEANS AREN'T WATERPROOF?

The Moment When Sim Austin Conjured A Fishing Pole Out Of Thin Air:

That Sim Austin is full of surprises.

The Moment When Ghost Sim Meg Did What She Does Best:

What time is it? Waaaaffle tiiiiiime!

The Moment When Ghost Sim Meg Took A Brief Nap:

Waffles and a nap? That Ghost Sim Meg sure knows how to live! Oh, wait. Poor choice of words. Let me try again: That Ghost Sim Meg sure knows how to dead!

The Moment When Ghost Sim Meg Woke Up And Floated Toward One Of The Bathrooms:

What's up, Ghost Sim Meg? What shook you from your slumber?

The Moment When Ghost Sim Meg Started Cleaning A Filthy Toilet:

Ah. I see. You couldn't resist the call of the commode.

The Moment When Ghost Sim Meg Continued To Scrub:

I don't know who broke that shower and failed to mop up that puddle, but I wish I did. I the guilt haunts that Sim. Better yet, I hope the guilt and Ghost Sim Meg haunts that Sim.

The Moment When A Bookstore Menu Took Over My Screen Without Warning:

Now Sim Austin is getting his shop on? That guy really is a man about town.

The Moment When I Purchased The Book That Sounded The Most Interesting:

Hope you enjoy that copy of Jimmy Sprocket and the Squishy Stone, Sim Austin!

The Moment When Sim Austin Blocked The Front Of The Bookstore Doors As He Thought About How Happy He Was With His Purchase:

I'm glad to see he's making the most of post-eviction life.

The Moment When I Noticed Ghost Sim Meg Failed To Actually Clean The Nasty Toilet:

Serving the judges "Out, damned spot!" realness.

The Moment When Ghost Sim Meg Disappeared:

The broken shower, the enormous puddle, and the vomitrocious toilet proved to be too much for our phantom friend.

The Moment When Ghost Sim Meg Fell Fast Asleep Again:

Sweet dreams, Lady Macbeth. May your slumber never again be disturbed by the sounds of leaky plumbing.

Next week: The Ghost Sims and the houseguests continue to live in harmony! The papergirl lectures Sim Big Brother/me again! I finally get around to replacing the busted jacuzzi! Another chess game eviction ceremony! Hopefully nobody dies!

Images: The Sims/EA Games (46); Kristie Rohwedder/Bustle (46)