In today's sexual climate, consent is king. But asking for consent isn't always easy, particularly if you're shy, drunk, or not used to verbalizing your desires. In a perfect world we'd read our lover's mind, and the answer to everything dirty thing we'd want to do to them (and have them do to us) would be injected directly into our cerebral cortex. Since science has yet to invent such technology, in the interim we're going to have use our words, as my Kindergarten teacher used to say.
The most important part about the new culture of "enthusiastic consent" is that both men and women are equally required to engage. Yes, guys can be raped too, or at the very least be made to feel uncomfortable because they're not taught that saying no to a woman is OK, just as women aren't taught that they have to ask before touching a man. So how do we navigate this brave new world of affirmation? It can be a little tricky, but it doesn't have to be totally unsexy. Here are four ways that you can ask for consent that might actually make your pre-sex interactions even hotter.
1. Describe A Hot Fantasy Before You Hit The Bedroom
Ludacris had one thing right: asking women about their fantasies is a great way to see which acts they're game for — and the same goes for men. If you're able to outline a sexy scenario ahead of time and ask how they feel about it, you've got consent on lock, plus a great mental picture to guide you through your session.
2. Ask Someone How They Like It Before You Hit The Bedroom
If you don't have an explicit fantasy in mind, what's easier than asking your potential partner what theirs is? If you like what you hear, you can tell them so and get to re-enacting.
3. Use Your Body As A Guide
You can't go grabbing at someone else's parts without asking, but you can definitely grab at your own. Acting out where you wish your partner's hands were will easily open up a conversation about whether they're down for what you want.
4. Text It Out Before You Hit The Bedroom
When in doubt, write it out. It's slightly easier to communicate what you want to do over text, and getting consent in writing is a definite bonus. While everyone is allowed to change their mind and one time consent does not mean all time consent, getting the ball rolling with a little sexting is a great way to break the ice.
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