Going through a breakup is hard enough and often times getting over an ex is even harder. As most of us know from experience, it’s much easier said than done. It’s one thing to technically end a relationship with a lover, but it’s another to end it mentally and emotionally.In our society, people often expect you to get over your ex quickly. If you ask me, (a dating specialist and matchmaker for It’s Just Lunch Seattle) that's not very realistic, nor is it healthy in many cases.
Before you get out into the dating world, you’ll want to be fully recovered from your breakup. Healing can take a while, so don’t feel the need to rush it. You will know when you’re ready. It might be when your BFF says, “Come on, just go out with my co-worker!” or when you finally feel like flirting with a random stranger at a bar. Everyone is different, but everyone also deserves to move on and find someone new.
With that being said, there are ways we unintentionally keep our broken heart continuously broken. We aren’t always great at giving ourselves the correct medicine to mend this wound. Instead, we are adding salt. So, throw out the salt, get out those bandages, and be aware of the ways you are preventing yourself from fully getting over your ex.
1. Stalking
We all are probably guilty of this from time to time. Hey, I get it — you want to know every little detail of what your ex is up to. Where did she go last weekend? Who is that new girl he friended? How is he/she handling the breakup? Do they even care at all? This kind of social media stalking can cause you to get sucked into a deep hole that is hard to get out. Keep telling yourself, “Out of sight, out of mind” and eventually it will stick.
2. Staying In Communication
How are you supposed to get over an ex if you both are continuously talking to one another? “Good morning” texts aren’t really going to steer you in the right direction. Instead, try distancing yourself from each other in the beginning. I'm not saying this is necessarily going to be easy. In fact, it’s quite painful and sometimes harder than anything else, but it will help you in the long run of trying to move forward.
3. Keeping Stuff
If you’re holding on to your ex, you're most likely holding on to his or her stuff as well. If you look around your room or apartment, and you see pictures of you two hanging up, spring cleaning may need to come a little sooner. Mementos that remind you of your relationship and time together will only be a constant reminder of the past. It’s time to move forward to the new and bright future.
4. Not Grieving
The first stage in getting over an ex is grieving the loss. If you don’t grieve at all, you might never fully recover. Everyone grieves differently, but you need to have those sad and miserable days to have the happy ones later on. So, be sure to carry around a box of tissues with you and be prepared to let it go. Trust me, it will feel better in the end.
5. Staying Connected To THEIR Friends And Family
One last thing that might be hard to let go of is talking to his or her close friends and family. I’m not saying you need to cut off all communication, but you need to understand how these relationships could get tricky. You’ll need to examine the reason behind you staying close with these people. If it’s merely to remain close to your ex, then you’re walking a fine line where you probably will fall and hurt yourself. Take a step back from these people while you’re healing and then start up communication once you feel it is healthy.
Getting over an ex is never completely painless — whether you initiated the breakup or not. But both of you deserve to be happy, healthy, and open to new possibilities, so exit out of his or her's Facebook profile, take a deep breath, and realize that it's probably all for the best.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.
