Wait, Dumbledore Is Really Who?!

If you’ve somehow managed to stay off Tumblr all day (because you actually pay attention to work or something), you may have missed that everybody is freaking out over this new Harry Potter theory. It turns out that there’s something everyone might have missed about Albus Dumbledore. And no, it’s not that he’s gay. If you didn’t know that already, then you’re seriously doing the internet wrong. The theory is that Dumbledore is Death himself.

Have you picked yourself off the floor yet? Let me run you through how this idea plays out. Warning: It’s super convincing, and will change everything you thought you knew about Harry Potter.

OK, so you remember the Tale of Three Brothers? Three brothers outwit Death, who offers them each a prize. The first brother is given the powerful Elder Wand, and is eventually killed for it. The second brother asks to be able to bring people back from the dead, but kills himself out of grief when he is unable to bring the girl he loves fully back to life. The third brother asks for something that will let him move on without Death following him. He is given the Cloak of Invisibility, successfully lives to be an old man, and then greets Death as an old friend when it finally comes for him.

Harry Potter fans have understood for a while now that the first brother (who dies for power) is represented by Voldemort, the second brother (who dies for love) is Snape, and the third brother (who greets Death as a friend) is Harry Potter. But Death was always just assumed to be … well, just Death, right? Wrong.

Cast your mind back. Who is it who gives Harry Potter the Cloak of Invisibility? In fact, who had the Resurrection Stone and the Elder Wand as well? Who indirectly caused the deaths of Voldemort and Snape, the first and second brothers? And who greeted Harry at King’s Cross during his near-death experience? Dumbledore, that’s who. Dumbledore has been Death all this time, and we never even knew.

J.K. Rowling has yet to comment on this, but it’s looking pretty bulletproof to me. This theory is even more mind-blowing than the insane Disney theory that puts some of your favorite movies into one overlapping universe. Tumblr has proved that Dumbledore is Death, and now we all need to go lie down and think about what this means for a while. Sooo … collective day off work tomorrow, everybody?

Images: Youtube; Wifflegif