Maybe it felt like a good idea to dust off the ol' Tinder account for some good old-fashioned swiping, but then accidentally one of these jokers started trying to turn a little fun into an actual relationship, and you've been single forever. You know that normal people in the real world participate in couple-y activities including but not limited to cuddling, holding hands and doing nice things for each other, but these are actions that you personally haven't performed in approximately a million years. Or approximately never.
Either way, all of this lovey-dovey stuff feels foreign at best and horrible at worst. You haven't gotten a good night's sleep in weeks and now this perfectly nice person, with whom you're having a pretty OK time, wants to introduce you to their parents. And is telling you they love you. And what is with all of these ostentatious public displays of affection? If all of this sounds familiar, BuzzFeed's latest video, "When You're Single AF," will strike a chord. Perhaps it might hit a little too close to home — but it's funny because it's true. And if you're in a relationship, it might be fun to watch this to remind yourself of days of yore, when you had to respond to every nice text message with emojis and hadn't really puzzled out yet to whom the illustrious title of little spoon would be rewarded.
1. Snuggling Is Scary
Make that terrifying.
2. Emojis Are The Answer
Emojis become the appropriate answer to everything, especially anything nice. Obviously the correct response to someone telling you that you look cute is a flock of pizza emojis. What else would you say? Thank you?!
3. Nice Gestures Seem Ridiculous
You wrote me a what? What even is a poem? And why would you write it for me? And why, pray tell, are you holding out that tangle of flowers no longer attached to their roots?
4. You Have No Idea How To Handle A Compliment
The GRE you could handle, but trying to find a response to "You look really beautiful tonight," is a no-go. "You have a polite face" sounds about right. Yeah. Go with that. Tell your date they have a polite face. And ... nice chest hairs. And also a definitely not-bad forehead. Perfect.
5. A High-Five After Sex Is Right
You're basically a dude. Only lots of dudes like to cuddle after sex. So let's not make this about gender. You're basically a football player. Being single AF for this long has reduced you to being a complete jock. And you're totally OK with that.
6. This Is Your Face When Someone Says They Want You To Be Their Girlfriend
Like, why? What purpose could that possibly have? So you can write me more poems? And bring me more flowers that are just going to wind up dead? Thanks, but I'm good on that.
7. It's Best If Everyone Brushes Their Teeth Before Every Kiss Encounter
No one wants to smell or taste their own bad breath, much less anyone else's. No morning breath for you. You've also forgotten what the term for "a few kisses in a row" is. A kiss encounter, right? A kiss session? A session of kiss?
8. Holding Hands Is Awkward
And uncomfortable. And gross. This guy's hand is really sweaty. Why the hell would you want to hold a sweaty hand? Someone wouldn't give you a sweaty t-shirt to hold. Why is it OK to proffer a sweaty body part for holding??
9. You Throw Up In Your Mouth When Three Little Words Are Dropped
"I love you" seems really, really weird to say. Isn't that something you say to your mom? Whom you've known since, oh, nine months before you were born? Or your grandparents? Or maybe your dog?
10. And This Is Your Face When Someone Wants To Introduce You To Their Parents:
Why on earth would you want to meet someone else's parents? You already have to deal with your own parents on a regular basis. Parents are tough enough when they're your own. Everyone should just stick with their own sets of parents and the world would be an easier place in which to live. Right?
Watch the whole video here:
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Images: BuzzFeed/YouTube
