Life
Why "The One" Should Be Banned From Your Vocab
Between Lifetime, Disney, and fairytales, we've been conditioned to believe that finding our soulmate is the end game for anyone seeking happiness and love — that there's this perfect person out there for just waiting for us. But the reality may be quite different and having these expectations can hurt us. What if there's no such thing as The One? Does "soulmate" mean something entirely different than what history and society have been telling us?Oftentimes people say that the person they're with —The One
— 'completes' them (ahem, Jerry Maguire). But maybe it's time to stop thinking like that. Maybe it's time to start thinking of our partner as complementing us.
"Ostensibly this concept sounds romantic; but actually, the happiest relationships are made up of two happy self-aware individuals who work together in partnership to build a happy home. These people are not co-dependent, they are interdependent, They know a good partner will complement them — not complete them," says Andrea Syrtash, Relationship Expert and co-author of "It's Okay to Sleep with Him on the First Date: And Every Other Rule of Dating, Debunked. "
Here are more reasons to re-think the word "soulmate", because you may not even realize how much pressure you're putting on yourself.
It Adds Pressure
"When you're single, looking for only one real match amongst millions adds a lot of pressure to the process. The reality is that over time, you're going to connect with many different kinds of people (romantically and not romantically) and it's unlikely there is only one person in the entire world who will fulfill or understand you," says Andrea Syrtash.
It's Not Realistic
The reality is that we are attracted to (and attract) more than just one person—and we have more than one soulmate, says sex expert Tyomi Morgan.
Soulmates Can Be Anyone
"A soulmate is someone that has been attached to our energy (spirit/soul) for many lifetimes and soulmates are more than those we view as romantic companions. Soulmates can be parents, best friends, colleagues and even pets. So many people chase the ideal of one person to complete their lives, but in reality there are multiple people that have the ability to add to our lives in various capacities," says Morgan
It's Not The Secret To Finding Happiness
"The One isn't an all encompassing person containing everything needed to maintaining a happy and balanced life. The One is merely ONE that has been chosen as the one to whom you will be dedicated to on life's journey," says Morgan.
Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page.
Images: bencleric/Flickr; Giphy
