Stop Asking If Jon Snow Is Alive, Please

Did I miss something in the Game of Thrones season finale in which Melisandre told everyone that if you keep asking if Jon Snow is alive he will suddenly be alive? Is he like Beetlejuice or something? No? Then, riddle me this: why does everyone keep asking the questions we already know the answer to? Trust me — asking if Jon Snow is dead on Game Of Thrones isn't helping at all, because that exact fact has been confirmed time and time again by HBO (as well as the man — err, actor — himself, Kit Harington). It was even confirmed again on Friday: While speaking to the Television Critics Association, HBO's programming chief Michael Lombardo stated, when it came to the nothing-knower Lord Commander, "in everything I've seen, heard or read, Jon Snow is indeed dead."

I know, I KNOW — it feels like you're watching the Night's Watch stab Jon all over again. Lombardo is the new Olly, apparently. But fear not, dear Winterfellians, there are about a bajillion (scientific estimate) conspiracy theories out there that question how Jon Snow could return — not necessarily as "Jon Snow," but as another being who will hopefully inherit the same hair. The problem here isn't that Jon is dead — because he is — but the fact that everyone seems to be asking the wrong question. Of course, if anyone asks someone at the show or HBO whether or not Jon is dead, the response is going to be a resounding "yes"; asking, instead, "is Jon Snow coming back to the show in any form," or maybe even "is Jon snow going to be resurrected at any point in time" are much more broader questions, and could garner different answers.

After all: Game of Thrones does dabble in the mystical and dark magic, so it's really not very "out there" for either of these things to actually happen. In fact, there are a ton of questions we should all be asking instead of "is Jon Snow really dead" — so, if you REALLY want to know what's up with Jon Snow... other than the fact that JON SNOW IS DEAD... ask these questions instead:

How Is Bran's Return Related To Jon Snow's Murder?

Bran was gone for an entire season and now — as Entertainment Weekly confirmed — he's slated to return after the death of the series' most beloved character? C'mon, you know this is BIG. Does this mean Bran will take on Jon's mission and alliances?

What Is Melisandre Going To Do About It?

She didn't just happen to return to the Wall riiiiiight before the mutiny for no reason. Not only does she have the hots for Jon (don't we all?), she also has the power to bring his body back to life. (Key word here: His body, not him.)

What Was The Meaning Of "Kill the Boy And Let The Man Be Born?"

"Jon Snow" might be dead — but now someone, perhaps greater, can now be born.

Could Jon Snow Be Brought Back Like Khal Drogo Was?

OK, Khal Drogo was sort of brought back. His life was saved from fatal wounds with blood magic, but he lived in a catatonic state. Dany ended up giving him a funeral by fire, which brought life to the dragons and made her their mother. (You know, this for that kind of stuff.) So, in short, yeah — there is some weird magic in Westeros that could bring Snow's body back, and it has nothing to do with whether or not Jon Snow is dead at this point in time.

Will His Direwolf Come Into Play?

If Jon Snow is a Stark, then he should have the power to live via his direworlf. It's called "warging" in GoT speak, and it's a valid question to ask.

Did The Night's Watch Burn His Body?

If they didn't, his body could turn into a wight! RUN!

Who Is Azor Ahai?

Glad you asked! He's a famous hero who was prophesied to be reborn into another great hero who would defeat the White Walkers. If it's Jon Snow (whom the Night's King was very VERY drawn to), then he really could finally and rightfully inherit the throne. This could even be what Master Aemon was referencing in that whole, "Kill the boy" chat! Lest we forget Melisandre's line, “I pray for a glimpse of Azor Ahai, and R'hllor shows me only snow.”

WAIT. What If He's Actually Targaryen? Like For Reals?

It's pretty darn convincing.

Lastly, DO I HATE THE NIGHT'S WATCH NOW?

YEP. Other than Sam, they're all garbage and should be swallowed up by the Night's King!

Again, Jon Snow is super duper dead, but there are still many questions left to ask about how his body and spirit could return in other forms.

Images: Helen Sloan/HBO; Giphy (5)