5 Ways To Tell Your Partner You Like Porn

So you like to watch porn. Say it loud and proud, because there's nothing wrong with it. You're definitely not alone either — 25 percent of all online searches are porn-related. And there's even more good news about porn: it could spice up things with your sweetheart in a good way. Sex therapist Amanda Joy-Robb told Cosmoplitan that when used appropriately, porn can be a fantastic addition to a couple's sex life. It creates a platform for couples to speak frankly about sex — including what each of you need more of and what you could do without. Joy-Robb encourages us to see it as something that "invites excitement and exploration."

Sounds pretty convincing, right? So what are you waiting for? While it's natural to be a bit nervous about approaching the subject, telling your significant other that you're into watching porn could possibly be a pivotal point in your relationship. Sure, there's a risk it won't go so well, but there's also the possibility that being honest about this can help the two of you reach a point of intimacy you never even knew was possible. While we're told by so many people that porn is destructive to monogamous relationships, experts say it's all about how you approach the issue. Sex is not inherently impure nor gross, of course — and the same goes for pornography.

There's no better time than now to break the good news to your SO. Besides, think of what fun you could have watching it together. So once you muster up the courage, refer to these 5 tips for bringing porn into your shared life.

1. Be Confident

This will only be an awkward conversation if you make it one. Walk in strong and confident about your sexual needs, and the topic won't feel like such a monster. People feel a lot of guilt around pornography; from a young age, we're taught that it's wrong and disgusting, so we carry that baggage around with us into adulthood. But nothing is wrong with sexual stimulation, as long as it's not abused. Keep that in mind; the more relaxed you are, the more accepting they will be.

Part of your confidence has to come from the fact that you are comfortable with your own fantasies. That's one of the great parts about watching porn — it gives you room to figure out what you're into without anyone else's influences. Colorado psychologist David Schnarch, author of Resurrecting Sex, told the Huffington Post that fantasies and erotica are nothing to be ashamed of, so own it.

2. Keep It Light

Sex shouldn't be a dark, heavy part of your relationship; if it is, there are probably some foundational issues you need to address. Wait for a moment when the both of you are relaxed, connected and generally in a good mood. For example, if you have just gotten over a big fight, maybe don't start talking about your favorite kind of dirty videos right away. Whatever you do, don't bring up porn in an attempt to fix something that's happening inside (or outside) of the bedroom. That's a surefire way to add a sour taste to the subject.

Some women find it hard to keep a straight face when talking about or watching porn with a significant other. If you end up giggling when you talk about it, don't stress — sexologist Giverny Lewis told Cosmopolitan that that's perfectly normal and even healthy. It will remind you both that porn is really not that serious, and it could even break the ice, thus leading to more space for really, really good sex.

3. Approach Porn As Something To Enjoy Together

If you frame the whole discussion as revealing something you like to do on your own, a hobby you only indulge in when nobody's home on a Friday night, chances are your SO won't be too stoked about it. Instead of saying things like, "I really like porn," opt for something like this: "I would love to watch some porn with you." That way, it can be framed an activity that can be a positive addition to your relationship, not one that creates more space or comes between the two of you.

Dr. Schnarch also notes that watching porn together can prevent both partners from seeking sexual gratification outside of the relationship. He reminds us that it's natural for humans to crave variety when it comes to sex; porn will allow for that to come into the relationship without threatening your bond. Once it's established as something you want to do together, there is much less shame and secrecy behind it as well. Couples who have similar interests and hobbies are more likely to stay together — why not add this to the list of things you enjoy doing with one another?

4. Don't Interrogate Them About Their Own Porn Habits

Joy-Robb claims that there's a tendency for us to pry about our partner's porn viewing habits once we open up the conversation. As easy as it is to fall into that line of questioning, she recommends we steer clear of an inquisition. That will only cause your partner to tense up, or to feel like they have a whole list of things to confess. One of the reasons we may head down this road is because we feel insecure, perhaps even threatened by our partner's porn habits. We may ask ourselves if our SO wants us to look like the girls in the video or do the things they're doing, even if we know that our own porn viewing bears no relation to how we want our partner to act.

Just because the love of your life likes to see other people have sex doesn't mean they're not totally head over heels for you. There's no need to force information out of them. If you want to know something, ask without judgment. They will tell you what they're comfortable sharing at the moment; besides, your honesty will spark them to reveal more about themselves.

5. Find Some Stuff You Both Like

Try not to end your chat by only talking about what you're looking for. Remember, you want this to be an activity for the both of you. So set aside some time to browse through some videos or sites together, and settle on a few things that get the both of you excited. If you're feeling intimidated by the sheer idea of it, ease your way into it. Joy-Robb suggests searching for "female-friendly" or "amateur" clips. You can work your way up to hardcore stuff later, if the time comes.

Like the first time you searched for furniture together or picked out paint for the kitchen walls, choosing porn you both like can make you feel like you're a good team. In fact, it can be a reminder of why you're so compatible with each other.

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