Lifetime's 'Full House' Movie Trailer? Have Mercy

There's a new trailer for Lifetime's The Unauthorized Full House Story, and it is just about as exciting as that one time Uncle Jesse went skydiving before his wedding day and landed in the bed of a tomato truck. Unless you are a Full House historian, the trailer for the network's latest foray into the Land of the Unauthorized Biopic is full of twists. Full of turns. Full of surprises. I am most definitely not a Full House historian (well, there was that one time I read Dave Coulier's Wikipedia page. Does that count?), so as far as I'm concerned, the 30-second preview for The Unauthorized Full House Story is a revelation bonanza. Here is everything I learned/re-learned:

• Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have been wheelin’ and dealin’ business ladies since day one.
• Remember when John Stamos and Paula Abdul dated? Because I most certainly forgot they were a couple.
• Uncle Jesse was almost Uncle Adam? I hope the Lifetime movie explains the reasoning behind the name change, because I am on the edge of my seat! (I don't want to spoil the movie, so I'm going to resist looking up the answer.)
• The studio audience in this unofficial biopic is much smaller than I imagined. I pictured a football stadium. Or at the very least, an auditorium. The laugh track was just so full!
• Apparently, John Stamos was on a TV series called That Kids’ Show. I definitely missed the boat on that one.
• It's been a while since I last watched a Full House rerun, but I could've sworn the Tanner living room was way less... beige.

Wow. So many morsels, so little time (so much to do! I'd rather spend my— Oops! Wrong Olsen twins show). Want to check out the preview for yourself? You got it, dude.

Image: Sergei Bachlakov/Lifetime