One of the best parts of entering parenthood must be deciding the collection of noises a new human will know as their name for the rest of their life (or at least until they gather the extra scratch to legally change it). That's an enormous power to have over another person and their life. This is why I'm so thrilled my sister named her child Peregrine, because it is hilarious (to be fair, it's his middle name and his first name is pretty normal). While we're on the topic of post-millennium baby names, what do the top baby names of 2000s actually mean, anyway?
Kinda blows my mind to actualize that people born in 2000 are just three years away from being legally allowed to purchase cigarettes. I seems weird they can even read, TBH — so I'd like to take the opportunity to apologize now if you were born in or after 2000 and are reading this (also, stay in school). I personally don't know many people born in or after 2000, so learning about the top names of those people will be educating for me, too. We're learning! About names! Together! Let's see what usurped the Michaels and Jessicas dominating the '90s. The answer might surprise you:
Boy names
Jacob: A popular holdout from the '90s. It means "holder of the heel". And yeah — 10 years later, it still makes no sense.
Michael: Freaking Michaels! Hi, guys. I've dated all of you, and your name means poor, humble. Congrats.
Joshua: More Biblical stylings. Still means: God is salvation.
Matthew: Gift of God, and if you're not religious... I guess you get to choose your own definition. Why not?
Daniel: Gift of God or, conversely, "listening to Beca complain on GChat forever".
Christopher: To bear, to carry; as used in a sentence: "Christopher, my bags, please." I like Christophers.
Andrew: Of a man, which...fine.
Ethan: Solid, enduring; finally! One that didn't make the '90s list. YOU GO, ETHAN.
Joseph: He will add, and in the case of one ex, that addition is fire. To anything. (Listen, I was 20 and he was really good at skateboarding tricks.)
William: Protector. (You're all welcome for that gif.)
Anthony: Priceless; I had an RA named Anthony who signed me off on having a spotless dorm room on move-out day, even though it was anything but. High five to all Anthonys, IMO.
David: Beloved, a thing hopefully all brand new babies are. (So enjoy it now, Davids. While you still can.)
Alexander: Defending men, because I guess they need it.
Nicholas: Victory of the people.
Ryan: Little king, which is way too cute.
Tyler: A person who lays tile on roofs. Skip that career quiz, y'all. It's taken care of.
James: Heel-grabbing, aka another excellent dating/life partner choice. (I mean, duh. Foot massages, you know.)
John: God is good.
Jonathan: God has given, which can't be that surprisingly given the above entry.
Noah: Rest, comfort; Noah sounds like a chill homebody. Into it.
Girl names
Emily: Hardworking, and also probably the better option to join your working post-apocalyptic team.
Madison: Strong fighter. (This might also just mean someone's parents had a penchant for the 1984 film Splash starting Daryl Hanna and Tom Hanks in which a mermaid grows legs and runs around New York City with wild abandon.)
Emma: Whole or universal.
Olivia: Olive. Hope you're not allergic, girl.
Hannah: Favor or grace.
Abigail: My father is joy, so someone's dad thinks highly of themselves.
Isabella: Devoted to God. Also a common name among royalty way back when with mysterious official meanings.
Samantha: Flower.
Elizabeth: God is satisfaction.
Ashley: Ash tree clearing, for whatever that's worth?
Alexis: Helper or defender. Also a quality choice on your post-apocalypse team.
Sarah: Lady, princess, noblewoman; I LIKE THIS ONE.
Sophia: Wisdom.
Alyssa: Basically combines a negating "a" before what means madness, rabies. Like, Alyssa is the antithesis of madness and rabies. This is good.
Grace: Goodness and generosity. (SURPRISE.)
Ava: Another version of Eve, which means to live.
Taylor: To cut. Pretty intimidating out of the seamstress context, TBH.
Brianna: Feminine version of Brian, which translates to hill.
Lauren: Feminine version of Lawrence, which means "laurel" (or "will choreograph and perform countless dances to Spice Girls," in my experience).
Chloe: Green shoot. Secretly the Green Arrow's accomplice? IDK, guys, you decide.
