Nobody Believes Tom Brady

He may have led his team to Super Bowl victory in February, but Tom Brady's banner year will likely be remembered for something else — a couple of flat balls. Six months after the Deflategate scandal broke, the New England Patriots quarterback is now seeing some real consequences. On Tuesday, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced that Tom Brady's four-game suspension is being upheld. Despite the investigation's overwhelming evidence that points to Brady's involvement in Deflategate, he has consistently denied any wrongdoing. But his powers of persuasion are as effective as his ability to land a high five — in other words: not great.

After Goodell issued Brady's four-game suspension in May, along with a punishment against the team in the form of a fine and lost of draft picks, Brady filed an appeal of his suspension. Goodell's decision Tuesday comes after a comprehensive hearing of that appeal, during which new damning evidence emerged against Brady — like the suggestion that Brady had intentionally destroyed his cell phone in order to hide information shortly before being interviewed by investigators. In his official decision, Goodell wrote:

On or about March 6 — the very day that he was interviewed by Ted Wells and his investigative team — Mr. Brady instructed his assistant to destroy the cellphone he had been using since early November 2014, a period that included the AFC Championship Game and the initial weeks of the subsequent investigation.

On this basis, as well as the Wells Report's conclusion that Mr. Brady's denials of involvement in the tampering scheme were not credible, I found that Mr. Brady had failed to cooperate with the investigation.

Brady wasted no time in responding to Goodell's decision, denying once again that he had done anything wrong in a Facebook post on Wednesday. But guess what Brady? The only thing people are buying less than your denial is Ray Rice's jersey. It's like your denial skills and your high-fiving skills go hand in hand — or should I say, hand in no hand? To further highlight your two biggest deficiencies (hey, on the bright side, they might be your only deficiencies), here are three times nobody believed your denial, coupled with three times nobody wanted to high five you.

"I am very disappointed by the NFL’s decision to uphold the 4 game suspension against me. I did nothing wrong, and no one in the Patriots organization did either."

Brady gave this denial on Wednesday in response to Goodell's decision regarding the quarterback's appeal.

Nope. Not picking up what you're putting down, Tom.

"I didn't alter the ball in any way. ... I wouldn't do anything to break the rules. ... I was as surprised as anybody."

When the scandal initially broke, Brady pleaded ignorance like it was going out of style.

You're on your own with that one, buddy.

"I'm very comfortable saying nobody did it as far as I know."

It's almost as if Brady was trying to convince himself too.

Judging by this GIF, the only one who might believe any of Brady's claims is LeGarrette Blount.

If Brady's been left hanging in the past, his hand is only going to get lonelier from here on out, because people are tired of his denials. But just because another human refuses to lightly tap their palm against yours doesn't mean all is lost, Tom. May I remind you that you have four Super Bowl rings and a beautiful family with Gisele Bündchen?

Images: Getty Images (1), Giphy (4)