Freedom makes us horny. Or at least that's the only way I can make sense of this: according to a survey from sex toy company Love Honey of 1,000 Americans, 73.5 percent of them have had sex on the Fourth of July, AM New York reports. That's like 3/4 of Americans that like doing it on the holiday. Doing it for freedom. I mean, I've never thought of it as a particularly sexy holiday. I think of barbecues and suncream and bald eagles carrying Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson while they high five each other. But it turns out 44 percent of us want to spend the holiday with our lover — more than wanted a barbecue or to be by the water. And 25 percent leave parties to have sex. How have I been missing this? I'm going to write my abstinent Independence Days off to living across the pond, rather than some lack of freedom friskiness on my part. Although despite the fact that so many Americans like to get busy on the fourth of July, AM New York says it's not their favorite: "...only 6 percent of respondents said the Fourth of July was their favorite holiday to have sex. The winner was New Years Eve, with 44 percent preferring to ring in the new year with sex."
But I feel like we're painting all of this as way more sexy and romantic than it is. Holidays in reality are always stressful and anticlimactic, so here is my slightly more realistic list of top holiday sex:
1. "I've Eaten So Much Turkey That I'm Sweating Grease And All I Can Do Is Lie In Bed And You Are Also Here" Sex
OK, in my case it's tofurky, but the point stands. I eat so much I can't move, I sleep, I eat again, and if you're unlucky enough to end up next to the sweaty, gassy, mess I've become, maybe we'll do the sex.
2. "Oh My God the New Years is Here and I'm Drunk and Still So Alone Quick Get Inside of Me" Sex
Call it a last-ditch New Year's resolution. You're either trying to make the year end okay, or get the next one off with a bang. New Years is not so much a time for celebration as sequins, booze, and panicking about where you are in life.
3. "Holy Crap These Halloween Costumes Are Ridiculous Let's Make Sarah Palin and A Baby Dinosaur Have Sex" Sex
Probably the most fun. Want to do a fun holiday with your significant other? Screw couple's costumes, instead just dress up separately as whatever you feel like and then make whatever ungodly union you created just happen.
4. "I Only Got Socks For Christmas and My Whole Family is Drunk/Yelling/Crying/Vomiting Can We Just Do it Or Something" Sex
Christmas is a time for sharing, for delicious food and for trying to have a quickie in the upstairs hallway loud enough to drown out the noise of your family fighting. It's what Santa wants.
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