My breast size is not a secret to anyone who can see clearly. I am a proud double-A — but to be fair, I'm only proud because the nonsense people feel comfortable saying to those of us with small breasts has turned an insecurity into an asset. Sure, those hurtful comments or inappropriate suggestions are still incredibly annoying, but they don't shatter my self-love into a million pieces like they did in my anxiety-fueled teens. Now, when I hear one of the hundreds of things that people shouldn't say to a person with small breasts, I just think: Wow. You just did that. And you're OK with it. And then I slowly back away, thinking only a crazy person would have the audacity.
I waited years for my breasts to come. My sister had developed into a full D cup before she was in high school, so when I entered 10th grade and they STILL hadn't shown up, my mother laid down the truth: She had lied to me when she said if I got good grades my boobs would come — large breasts weren't in the cards for me, just as they weren't for her. "You'll be like me," she said. "You'll get your breasts when you have children." Not exactly an even exchange in my 15-year old opinion. I looked through old family photos to verify this new truth, and she was right. It seemed I would never have large breasts.
It took me about three hours to get over the fact that I would be wearing training bras from the TJ Maxx children's section my whole life. Personally, I'm not mad about my chest, and no one else should be either. But sometimes it seems like other people haven't gotten over the fact that my breasts are small, and they continue to say the same ridiculous, played-out, and just plain rude things about my breasts. Here are seven of the worst things you can say to someone with small boobs.
1. "You Don't Have Breasts."
Believe it or not, people with small boobs have breasts — We are still exposed to the annoying breast tenderness that comes with PMS, run the risk of breast cancer, and can't legally walk around topless in most places. So, yes, we have breasts.
2. "Just Wait Until You Get Pregnant."
First of all: I KNOW. I KNOW that most women develop larger breasts when they get pregnant. Second of all: Why would I be waiting for big boobs? Here is what I'm waiting for: equal pay, my TSOL t-shirt from e-bay, my 2012 tax return, true love, and my boxes from Portland that the postal service lost in 2013 — not a pair of D cups. I'm over it.
3. "They Look Like Mosquito Bites."
Oh, yes, the ever-so-clever mosquito bite reference. When I look at my breasts I do not see an inflamed, red, itchy wound. I see a small pair of breasts. I'm not sure who started this joke or why it's so popular that it landed on Urban Dictionary, but I think everyone with small breasts has heard it enough.
4. "You Should Get Implants."
It wasn't until college, where I learned that many of my new classmates got breast implants for their high school graduation or 18th birthday presents, that I even knew just how many people were unhappy with their small breasts. The first person to suggest I get implants got this response from me: "You should get a nose job." Yes, it's equally as rude as suggesting I get implants.
5. "All You Need is a Handful."
When someone says "All you need is a handful" in reference to small breasts, it's one of those confusing statements where I have to tilt my head, lean it forward, and ask for some clarification. Oh...is that all you need? As long as you can cup my breasts, I'm a candidate as someone to date or sleep with? This must have been left out of my health class in high school, because no one mentioned that you needed a handful of anything except condoms.
6. "You Don't Have to Wear Bras!"
Ohweeeee! I don't have to wear BRAS! Isn't that just the best? Well, while I can skip out on bras in some social settings, I can't very well do that in a cold office on an interview where my nipples are hard as a rock. Nor can do I do that with certain tops. Just like most people, there are times I have to wear a bra. Do I like it? No, of course not — bras are the devil and I'm convinced there is a better way for support and coverage that our government is keeping from us. But I have to do it, too.
7. "You Should Wear a Push-Up Bra."
Whenever this is suggested to me my first thought is "Why?" and then "What would I push up?" There isn't a secret pair of bigger breasts underneath my top that I've been hiding or saving for a rainy day. Loads of people wear push-up bras to increase their cleavage or give the appearance of larger breasts, but that doesn't mean we all want to. Chances are if we aren't wearing one it's because it's lost, it's dirty, or we don't own one. MYOB.
Image: Saxon Campbell/Flickr; Giphy
