Why Do People Cheat? A Former Adulterer Explains

Let's get the obvious out of the way first: being cheated on blows. The person who you trusted, who you believed in, and who you counted on, has having sex with someone else — and worst of all, they've been lying to you about it. It is just the worst. Unfortunately, I used to be the cheater. It was what I did. I have screwed around in every relationship I have ever been in.

I got away with it most of the time, but when I was caught, every woman I was with had the same question. “Why? How could you do that?” It was like me cheating was some arcane mystery that couldn’t be solved.

At this point in my life, I'm glad to say things are different. As a recovering sex addict, when I think of cheating now, all I feel is stress. I am glad my life is calm now; messing around isn’t worth it, I am not chasing that high anymore. But unfortunately, if your partner has the cheating type of personality, there is nothing, and I mean nothing, more fun for them than screwing around.

It's no excuse for lying, but here are 11 reasons why a partner might cheat, in my experience.

1. They're Really Attractive

This isn't to say all good looking people cheat, at all. But, I'm sorry — if your partner is good looking, funny, and interesting, they are much more likely to cheat than if they are average looking and dull. The more in-demand they are, the more likely they are to wind up with someone else.

Some people cheat because they want to feel more attractive, of course, but a lot of people cheat simply because they are attractive and have the option. Which brings me to...

2. They Have The Opportunity

Space is essential in a relationship, but the truth is the truth: the more time you spend apart from your partner, the more likely you are to cheat. If you and your partner run a business together and spend your evenings rubbing each others' feet while watching Game of Thrones on the couch, then cheating is probably less likely to happen.

On the other hand, if they work with a bunch of attractive people and go out drinking after work a lot, then messing around becomes much more likely. The more time they spend away from you, whether it be for business or fun, the bigger the chance that they will fool around.

3. They Have A Lot Of Power

If your partner has power, either personally or professionally, they tend to get what they want. They look confident, act confident, they are assertive and outgoing. When they want something, they ask for it. The more powerful a person is, the more likely they are to see what they want and take it. Not to mention, power is hot.

4. They Have A Sex Addiction

Some people are wired to want to have sex a lot, and they don’t just want to have sex a lot with you: they want to have sex with your sister, your best friend, and the person who works at the laundromat. If your partner is like that, they might have a sex addiction, and they are more likely to cheat.

5. They're Manipulative

I know this is hard to hear, but some people don’t look at relationships as a sacred bond between two people; they look at being in a relationship as a game. The whole goal of the game is to manipulate their partner and gain emotional control over them. Obviously, if your partner is one of those people, they are going to cheat as much as they can, because the only thing better than manipulating one person is manipulating two.

6. They Aren't Happy In The Relationship

You don't have to be a jerk to be adulterous — a lot people cheat purely because they aren’t happy in the relationship. Not everyone can have the mature “I don’t think this is working out” talk. Some people take another way out.

Because nothing says “I'm not satisfied in my relationship” like banging someone on your bed while you're at work.

7. They're Self-Entitled

Some people don’t even feel guilty about cheating. If they are this type, they will think it is their right to screw around, and just lie to you about it to keep up appearances. Maybe it is their belief system, their place in society, what they think about gender roles ... or they could just be a narcissist.

8. They Love Taking Risks

A lot of people simply don’t cheat because they're worried about the repercussions — but some people get off on the potential consequences. If your partner knows that having sex with his coworker on top of his boss' desk before work could cost him his job and he's a risk-taker, that could just make it hotter for him.

9. They're A Sociopath

You might be tempted to call them one, but chances are, this one is unlikely. A sociopath is someone who has no moral conscience about anything. But if you suspect you are with a sociopath, get out while you can. They just don’t care. People's feelings mean nothing to them, they cheat, because they can.

10. They're A Good Liar.

Bad liars don’t usually cheat. This isn’t because they are good people, necessarily — it's more because they always get caught whenever they do something wrong. On the other hand, good liars tend to not only cheat, but to rarely get caught at it.

It takes a certain skill to roll out of someone’s bed and come home to your partner 10 minutes later. Just like any skill a chronic cheater has, they are going to tend to use it.

11. They Want Revenge

Did you cheat on them? There are lots of ways people get revenge when they're cheated on, but one of most common is for the wronged person to also cheat to get back at the person who cheated first. While this doesn't make a whole lot of sense in theory, in practice, it feels so good ... for a while anyway.

Image: Kevin Zamani/Flickr; Giphy