12 Things That Are Probably Porn to T. Swift

If you're looking to capitalize on pictures of the reigning princess of pop's belly button, I'm afraid you're out of luck. Taylor Swift management has allegedly bought the domain names TaylorSwift.porn and TaylorSwift.adult, which, as you can imagine, would probably be harvested by lesser being for dirtier stuff. And though I'm proud of Taylor's team for this triumph, I do have to wonder... what WOULD constitute Taylor Swift porn?

Ew, don't be gross, I don't mean it like that. I mean, in a more slightly more innocuous way, things that make Taylor swoon. If we want to make it even further saccharine, a Julie Andrews style list of Taylor's favorite things. Porn FOR Taylor, which given her somewhat squeaky clean persona, is probably pretty PG, and mostly about sewing.

I don't have Taylor on speed dial to clarify what would be on this list. Truth be told if I did, I probably would be hosting a dinner party with her versus writing an article right now. But I'm pretty good with putting myself in her cat print Keds, so I can definitely imagine what would be on that list.

So, here's what I think must constitute as porn for Taylor.

An untouched ball of sparkly lavender yarn

Oh baby. It's just begging to have some needles plunged into it... so Taylor can knit a Best Friends Forever beanie for Selena Gomez.

Footage of two adorable tabby kittens wrestling

Taylor definitely has a platonic kitten fetish, if such a thing exists. And while Olivia and Meredith are great, if she feels like indulging, she'll take to YouTube and crank up some cat videos.

Pretty much any movie that glorifies New York

"Glorifies" being the key word here, despite her friendship with Lena Dunham our dear Taylor can't relate to the realistic version of New York that is having a college degree and working three part-time jobs at three different coffee shops. Regardless, sometimes after a long day she really just needs to unwind with a Breakfast at Tiffany's re-watch. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Perfectly executed pop culture needlepoint that she finds on Etsy

She's really psyched about this Lil' Wayne dish towel, it's the kind of work that she aspires to creating some day.

Going to a make-up counter and witnessing a fresh, nubile, untainted tube of red lipstick

And if it's Dragon Girl by NARS? Ugh, it's almost too much.

A Pinterest pin of a whimsical cake recipe that she can try out with her friends later

Oh my god. A white velvet layer cake with strawberry-raspberry marscapone buttercream? Are you joking me? Taylor eats that all up. Literally AND metaphorically.

Online window shopping for a pink rhinestone acoustic guitar

Look. Things are good between Taylor and pop. Pop and her are very happy together. But sometimes, when she just HAPPENS to find herself on the Daisy Rock Guitar website, and she sees a sparkly magenta axe with a heart shaped hole, and those country feelings just come flooding back.

Pretty much any article that links up her ex-boyfriends with misery

New Single Feminist Taylor is OVER boys, so over it, and she's really focusing on finding herself. It's why the "Blank Space" video plays up that perceived vindictiveness to her exes to parody.

THAT said, I'm sure if she stumbles across a post that says John Mayer's new album isn't doing well, or One Direction's tour isn't going smoothly, she gets some sort of sick pleasure out of it. After all, in every joke, there's that little grain of truth.

Hot pants

Unlike country music, Taylor's new love affair with high-waisted shorts is unfaltering. A trip to Urban Outfitters is like, euphoric to her.

Winning awards

That's why she's that rare brand of ecstatic and faux-shocked, the feeling is literally THAT overwhelming.

Pictures of Zooey Deschanel's bangs

Ever since her cameo on New Girl, Taylor has had SERIOUS hair envy of those famous face-framing follicles, they make her lob look second rate. #bangspiration

Instructional dance videos

Why else do you think Taylor has all those sick moves? It's because she's legitimately ADDICTED to her subscription to "Awkward White Girl Calisthenics."

Images: Giphy (12)