Entertainment

7 Epic Celebrity Poetry Battles

by Caitlyn Callegari

Jan. 30, 2015

Astrid Stawiarz/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images

When you think about Twitter, you probably don't think poetry. Actually, Twitter likely brings to mind things more along the lines of pizza exaltations and fart jokes coupled with itty bitty insights into celebrity goings on. It’s sort of hard to pen an adequate poem in 140 characters, anyway, unless you’re writing a haiku. And really, who even likes haikus? But, the absolute geniuses over at the Brazil Contemporary Art Center have put together a Twitter poem generator called Poetweet. So, if you had a hankering to dig a little deeper into the soul of your favorite celebrity tweeters, oh, you are in luck.

You see, what Poetweet does is create a poem (in one of three different styles: Indriso, sonnet, or Rondel) in the voice of whoever’s Twitter handle is submitted. So, obvs, I put some of our favorite celeb Twitter accounts into the magical machine and what came out was nothing short of inspired. In fact, they were all so good that I had to pit them against each other to sort out who spit the best game… figuratively, of course.

Oh yeah, that’s right. Welcome to the Celebrity Slam Poetry Battle, Twitter Edition. Not everyone will make it out alive. But, hopefully someone does.

Here goes nothin'.

Cats & Cussing, a Tale of Two Pop Stars: Taylor Swift Vs. Miley Cyrus

Taylor Swift: Indriso

Miley Cyrus: Indriso

Winner: Taylor Swfit.

Why? Because it was "Purrrfect." ;)

The Kardashian Konundrum: Kim Vs. Khloe

Kim Kardashian: Sonnet

Khloe Kardashian: Sonnet

Winner: Kim Kardashian

Mainly because Kim dug deep into her essence with "Diamond Ball," whereas Khloe played it safe. No risk, no reward, KoKo. My apologies.

The Lord And The Lady: Kourtney Vs. Scott

Kourtney Kardashian: Indriso

Scott Disick: Indriso

Winner: Scott Disick

You had me at "Chicken Fries," Scott. You charming schmoozer, you.

You Just Got Jennered: Kendall Jenner Vs. Kylie Jenner

Kendall Jenner: Sonnet

Kylie Jenner: Rondel

Winner: Kylie Jenner

While both girls had a spirited submission, Kylie's was air tight whereas Kendall was just sort of all over the place. But bearded boys are nice, Kendall, and they inspire me, too.

Tom Hiddleston Vs. Emma Watson & 7 More Poetry Showdowns Between Your Favorite Celebs

Tom Hiddleston: Sonnet

Emma Watson: Rondel

Winner: Tom Hiddleston

The decision was made only after much deliberation. And, it wasn't easy considering just how much more enlightened these UK-born stars' poetry was than that of our American contestants. Oof.

But really, other than this, Emma over everything.