This Sorority Girl's Email Is Totally Nuts

Ah, Greek life: the content mill that keeps on giving. A leaked email from a sorority girl at Apha Chi Omega's USC chapter demands that sisters wear Spanx at all times, always, forever and ever, Amen (even the skinny ones, because “no awkward bumps!”). But there’s more, because of course there is. The sorority’s mass email, received by Jezebel, also includes bizarrely specific requirements for maintaining your eyebrows (“Bad eyebrows will make you look less beautiful!”), nails (“neutral pinks, french [sic] manicure, toes can be a little brighter”), and glasses/contacts (“poking your eyes is worth it just this once”). You guys. YOU GUYS.

The letter goes on, of course. In fact, the letter is a PDF in small print with photos to illustrate all of the ways you’re capable of soiling the image of AXO (NO OMBRE), thusly shaming both yourself and your chapter. Here are three of the missive’s beauty stipulations, shared by Jezebel:

Makeup

You need to have foundation, concealer, something pinky/neutral for the lips (stain, gloss, etc), BLOT POWDER/OIL BLOTTERS, eyeliner (BLACK or BROWN only), mascara, neutral eyeshadows, bronzer, and (optional but recommended) blush. If you are not wearing the required makeup, I will stop you and apply it myself. I don't care if you're late for class. I don't care if you're a sophomore or a super senior. I will stop you. If you don't know how to apply all this makeup, check out my Pinterest board. I picked out all the videos and products with you guys in mind!

Health

Being sick or feeling gross during recruitment sucks. Start eating healthy today and you'll feel so much better by the time polish week and recruitment starts. Stay away from fried and super sugary foods. Your face will seriously brighten up. Also, exercise. Start now and you'll have way more energy and endurance for the long hours of recruitment.

Hair

For recruitment, your hair has to be curly or straight. No waves. In this case, you either need to have a curling iron (for our curly gals) or a flat iron (or a blow dryer if you have pin straight flat hair and you're super good with hair so you can blow your hair out.) Don't count on other girls letting you borrow theirs or doing your hair for you because then she's going to have no time for herself because she's stuck doing everyone else's hair (God bless [redacted]). If you're not good with these tools, now is the time to practice. Note: if you have straight hair and you want to wear it curly, don't. Your hair needs to be able to hold for 15 hr days and hairspray crunchy or limp hair is not acceptable. Also, get some heat protectant and shine spray. Damaged, frizzy hair is not going to attract PNMs. If you have bangs, they need to be styled correctly. If they're long and you're afraid they're going to be in your face the whole time, get some bobbi pins that match your hair color (except on house tours day/door chant, obvi). We don't want to look "emo" or like we're actually trying to flirt with PNMs by touching our hair all the time.

Potential new members (PNMs) are also required to forfeit their souls for the greater good of their sorority sisters. And now, over to Michael Shannon.

Image: Charles Roberts/Flickr