Entertainment
What Your 2015 Pop Culture Calendar Selection Says About You
Some may think that in the age of iPhones and Google docs a wall calendar is a quaint accessory, an outdated Christmas gift even. Bullcrap. What's more satisfying than literally ripping off a bad month, or crossing off the days until your birthday? Wall calendars are still utterly necessary and really a delight, especially if you choose wisely.
So my question is, who do you want to ring in the New Year with?
As 2015 swiftly approaches, let me offer you 15 different options for your next wall calendar, including 15 characters you should spend your year with, and 15 (semi-serious) resolutions to go with them.
Image: BarnesandNoble.com
Taylor Swift
Perfect If: You are a human being with ears and a heart.
Resolution: Continue to strengthen your friendships and, subsequently, your Instagram game to showcase how strengthened those friendships. At the same time, work on getting over that grudge with your ex-boyfriend(s), in whatever way helps most.
2015 Taylor Swift Wall Calendar, $11.21, BarnesandNoble.com
Olivia Pope
Perfect If: You’re a natural born leader who moves at a rapid-fire pace, whether it’s fixing problems or tweeting reactions to your favorite shows.
Resolution: Weave the power you exhibit in your professional workplace into the messiness of your personal life. Also, no sleeping with married men, no matter how many countries they run.
Scandal 2015 Wall Calendars, $14.99, Calendars.com
Cher Horowitz
Perfect If: You like Mean Girls fine, but you like ’90s nostalgia more.
Resolution: Stop blasting “Fancy” on your iPhone every time you get a frappucino at Starbucks, it was cool the first time but now everyone finds it distracting.
Clueless 2015 Wall Calendar, $13.33, BarnesandNobles.com
Beyoncé
Perfect If: You are that girl who drunkenly sang “Drunk in Love” during the office holiday party’s karaoke season.
Resolution: Aspire to be fabulous, but don’t kick yourself if you come across as slightly less than flawless.
2015 Beyonce Wall Calendar, $12.86, BarnesandNoble.com
Audrey Hepburn
Perfect If: You’re an old soul who seeks comfort during many Netflix rewatches of Roman Holiday and Funny Face. Or, you are a 19-year-old girl decorating your dorm room.
Resolution: Every day before you leave the house remember that kindness, grace, and little black dresses never go out of style.
2015 Audrey Hepburn at the Movies Calendar, $13.33, BarnesandNoble.com
Marilyn Monroe
Perfect If: The timeless glamour of vintage Hollywood really speaks to you. Or, you are the same 19-year-old girl decorating your dorm room but the Audrey Hepburn calendar is sold out.
Resolution: Try to fact-check quotes before you tweet them.
Marilyn Monroe 2015 Wall Calendar, $14.99, Calendars.com
Lil Bub 2015 Wall Calendar
Perfect If: You’re pro cat, but anti-grumpiness.
Resolution: Maintain positive thoughts in the face of hardship, and be happy with the metaphorical silver medals of life.
Lil Bub 2015 Wall Calendar, $13.99, Calendars.com
Grumpy Cat
Perfect If: You want to piss off your cubicle-mate who put up the Lil Bub calendar.
Resolution: Stick to what you love, be it constant negativity, or a cat whose career should’ve been murdered by a Lifetime movie.
2015 Grumpy Cat Wall Calendar, $13.99, BarnesandNoble.com
One Direction
Perfect If: You have a secret folder of 1D sex fanfiction on your computer right now.
Resolution: Try not to get so emotionally invested in musicians, as they will only break your hearts. Alternatively: graduate 8th grade.
2015 One Direction Wall Calendar, $10.28, BarnesandNoble.com
Harry Potter
Perfect If: You loyally returned to Pottermore for 12 days straight, despite having abandoned it a year and a half ago for being “a poor man’s RPG.”
Resolution: Live frugally enough so you can FINALLY afford that mecca to Universal Studios this summer. MAGICAL WORLD OF HARRY POTTER ‘15, THIS IS YOUR YEAR!
Harry Potter 2015 Wall Calendar, $14.99, Calendars.com
Bettie Page
Perfect If: You have handcuffs in your room and a CD by the Cramps in your car. And you’re me from 2006 to 2014 (my brother got me a Gil Elvgren pin-up calendar this year, close enough I guess).
Resolution: Find the perfect matte red lipstick.
Olivia Bettie Page 2015 Wall Calendar, $14.99, Calendars.com
The Doctor (wait, Doctor Who?)
Perfect If: 80 percent your friends are people you met through Tumblr. And you’re OK with that.
Resolution: Try to manufacture at least 10 to 20 absolutely dreamy gifs of Matt Smith (R.I.P., bb) before the year’s up.
Doctor Who 2015 Wall Calendar, $14.99, Calendars.com
Barbie
Perfect If: You’re hyper-feminine and want a charming twist on an otherwise kitschy subject.
Resolution: Find a pair of heels that are sizably high but won’t cause you to break your neck.
Barbie 2015 Wall Calendar, $14.99, Calendars.com
Katy Perry
Perfect If: You were a Cherry Blow Pop for Halloween.
Resolution: Continue to not take life seriously, living it all like a sexy string of questionable decisions. And maybe dye your hair blue.
Katy Perry 2015 Wall Calendar, $14.99, Calendars.com
Buffy Summers
Perfect If: You love to fight misogyny in nerd culture, and watched Gamergate with baited breath and fingers sliding angrily over your keyboard. You also can binge-watch seven seasons of hot vampire madness likes it’s nobody’s business.
Resolution: Seek out the next big thing in female-fronted media. Because, I mean, nobody loves Buffy more than me, but we should probs find a few other strong female role models to follow. It’s nearly 2015, after all.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer 2015 Wall Calendar, Calendars.com
