It's a well known fact that kids are disgusting. It's not just because they’re kids, but because they’re human beings, and we’re all pretty gross. Still, there is a particular brand of unselfconscious nastiness that comes with being a child — and trust us, as a kid, you were no different.
Because they’ve yet to grow into adults who at least know right from wrong and adhere to certain crucial and socially acceptable protocols like the five-second rule, for the most part, kids are even more nauseating in their behavior than we adults are. I know, it’s a scary thought, but when you consider what you were like, you know it’s true. I mean, there was a point in your life where you sat in your own piss and sh*t, patiently awaiting to have your diaper changed. Granted, this was not something of you choose to do, but you still did it. And then, there were all the gross things you actually enjoyed doing.
If you've managed to conveniently forget the gross things you did as a kid, let me kindly remind you. Here are the 31 faux pas that all kids are guilty of committing — and that you were guilty of too.
Eating Stuff Off the Ground
As I said, the five-second rule just wasn't in our world back then.
Playing With Our Food
It sure beats eating it when it's Cheerios AGAIN.
Walking Around With Food on Us
Food on our face and shirt? We didn't care!
Chewing on Our Shirt Sleeve
Because it's... yummy? With a bit of salt, perhaps.
Chewing on Pencils and Pens
Admittedly, the texture of biting down on a pencil was pretty soothing.
Chewing on Our Hair
Because when you coil your hair around your finger, it just has to go in your mouth next.
Setting Gum Aside For Hours, Then Chewing on It Again
What?
Playing With Our Gum
Ugh! You know those fingers are dirty as hell.
Chewing on Silly Putty and/or Play-Doh
A whole boatload of salty wonder.
Let's Be Real: Chewing on Anything
We just have to taste it all.
Using Our Sleeves As Both a Tissue and a Napkin
Or a tablecloth as a napkin. It's all very confusing.
Sharing Lollipops and Ice Cream Cones
It was bad enough we did it with their friends, but we also liked to do it with the family pet.
Sucking on a Jawbreaker for Hours
Must. Get. To. Center.
...Or Keeping It In Our Room and Working on It For Weeks
No, seriously, why?
Peeing in Public Pools
Yeah, for the one doing the peeing it's OK, Ryan.
Giving Each Other Wet Willies
Everything about a wet willy is wrong.
Not Washing Our Hands After Going to the Bathroom
Although far too many adults are guilty of this bad habit, too.
Not Washing Our Hands Before Eating
Two words: E. coli.
Licking Away Snot on a Cold Day
Mmmmm salty.
Touching or Eating Our Poop
According to my friends who now have kids, this is something all kids do, whether it's in their diaper or in the toilet. In some cases, the little rugrats eat it. Yes, you may have eaten poop. Ask your mom.
Sticking Our Finger in Our Ear and Tasting It
I did this. My friend Linnea told me to. She also said it tasted good. It did not.
Sticking Lots of Things In Random Body Holes
Remember that controversial piece in Lena Dunham's Not That Kind of Girl where her sister puts rocks in her vagina? Yeah, it happens. Then you taste it, of course.
Grabbing Our Crotch When We Had to Pee
There appears to be no scientific proof that this helps quell the need to urinate.
Or Just Grabbing It Because It Was There
As my mother tells my nephews, "Leave it alone if you want it to grow."
Putting Our Hands in Our Underwear at Any Given Time
Appropriate timing wasn't exactly our strong suit.
Then Remarking to Anyone Who Will Listen That It Felt Good
Neither are standard social graces.
Spitting Out Food We Just Didn’t Like
There's no better place for something that tastes awful like on the outside of your mouth.
Picking Our Nose and Eating It
You may not want to think you did this, but all kids do it. You've just blocked it out.
Actually, Just Picking At Everything
Scabs, pimples, mysterious things on the street, poop, garbage, you know, everything.
Using a Pool Jet As Our Very First Vibrator
You see a gushing jet of water, it only makes sense to press our nether regions to it.
...And Doing It in Front of Every Other Person in the Pool
What, you never did this? No time like the present, right?
