Fashion
Bizarre Picks From Preserve's First Gift Guide
My dislike for Blake Lively, which is 100 percent due to my dislike for her Gossip Girl character Serena van der Woodson, is so well-known that one of my father's favorite activities is to hide magazine photos of the actress around my childhood bedroom whenever I visit. I'm clearly not the target audience for her lifestyle website Preserve, mostly because I value good writing. General bias aside, however, I think we can all agree that Preserve's first holiday gift guide is bizarre.
Like most gift guides, this one is broken up into several categories to help you easily identify what products you should purchase for the different people in your life. Unlike most gift guides, this one suggests you pick up "dreaming oil" and a "tree swing for one." I would expect nothing less from the website that brought us a modern love letter to the antebellum South.
To be fair, there are plenty of totally normal gifting suggestions on Preserve right now — jewelry for "The Lady" in your life, fancy ingredients for "The Foodie" who's near and dear to your heart — but it doesn't make up for all the weirdness. Not by a long shot. Because the bizarre is so much more fun to talk about, here are the nine strangest items Blake Lively — um, I mean, Preserve — thinks you should place under your Christmas tree.
1. This $1,350 "trench cloak"
This thing is only expensive because Blake Lively has been seen wearing it a billion times since she announced her pregnancy.
Reverse Raven Trench Cloak, $1,350, preserve.us
2. This creepy tree decoration
It's. A. Squid.
Mr. Squid Holiday Ornament, $16, preserve.us
3. This backyard teepee
Cultural appropriation is the name of the game over at Preserve.
Olga Teepee, $325, preserve.us
4. These salt boxes
Because shakers just aren't chic enough.
Salt Box, $18, preserve.us
5. This crystal bowl
This would be kind of cool if only it cost like 550 fewer dollars.
Crystal Bowl, $615, preserve.us
6. This children's fox coat
Is it Halloween in December?
Fantastic Little Fox Coat, $160, preserve.us
7. This silhouette of a deer head
For some inexplicable reason, Blake wants you to ruin a beautiful cake with this terrifying topper. What do you have against cake, Blake???
Matte Black Deer Head Cake Topper, $34, preserve.us
8. This tacky tie
Your seventh grade science teacher wants his tie back.
1930s Cactus Flower & Wheat Heather Classic Necktie, $100, preserve.us
9. Dreaming oil
From the product description: "This natural, aromatic oil is created to provide a flurry of therapeutic sensations to indulge in. Calming lavender and warm sage combine effortlessly to achieve dreamy results. Warmed in palms or placed on a cloth, when inhaled, the ease of fragrance begins immediately, guiding a weary or worried mind into the gentle and relaxing state of a night’s journey—a serenading melody in every drop." OK.
Dreaming Oil, $27, preserve.us
Images: Preserve
