Entertainment
41 Aging Celebrities Who Are Seriously Never Allowed To Die
There is truly nothing I do not love about old people, and I don't mean that in an infantilizing, condescending way; I don't approve of the culture of treating them like adorable mascots where We Youngs Of The Internet effectively objectify older people to emphasize our youth. Yes, we do that, and it’s lame because old people are legitimately great.
As much as there are just as many old assholes as there are assholes of any age, in general, people of a certain age get to this distinctly wonderful place where they are not only brimming with experience and knowledge, but they are so far liberated from the insecurities and self-consciousness that hold younger people back for most of their lives. They are who they are and they give essentially zero fucks what people think. FACT (probably): Senior citizens are having way better sex than people of any other age.
The kind of self-acceptance and healthy perspective that the rest of us can't achieve no matter how hard we try has already come to them naturally. Plus, in the case of the people on this list, they are so goddamn talented. The combination makes it easy to understand why so many people develop emotional attachments to aging celebrities; they have the most to give, and are likely to be with us for the shortest time. (Yes, I know that's morbid, I know this whole topic is morbid, but it’s real so we’re talking about it.)
With that said, here is an admittedly non-exhaustive list of older famous folks who are not allowed to ever die because it would be altogether too sad to deal with, and would create a world so tarnished and hollowed by their absence as to render it uninhabitable.
Editor's Note: This slideshow has been updated to remove a slide about Bill Cosby's career in light of the sexual assault allegations against him.
Morgan Freeman
Let’s establish the obvious ones first. Clearly, Morgan Freeman isn’t allowed to die and neither is…
Betty White
I mean it, you two. Never. Don’t fuck around.
Meryl Streep
Including her on this list is almost a joke because I literally cannot imagine her dying. She will never let Death take her. When she has decided that she’s done blessing us with her presence, she’ll simply wave her hand and disappear, and god help us if we ask questions.
Jessica Walter
Gangy, nooooooo!
Faye Dunaway
I’m not really worried about this; I’m pretty sure unicorns don’t die.
Diana Ross
Your son just married Ashlee Simpson – he is going to need your guidance for many years to come.
Barbra Streisand
There are people who will have to permanently change their morning routine to include shedding a tear for Babs if she ever goes.
Martha Stewart
I have a feeling we aren’t done seeing Martha do weird shit in her Golden Years. She’s going to reclaim shameless sexuality for women over 70.
Dick Van Dyke
I was sure he was already dead, which means he is somewhere hiding and enjoying his life. Keep it up, sir. You’re too good for this world.
Mary Tyler Moore
I’ll make a deal with you, MTM: You can shuffle off to heaven as soon as I master your signature hair flip. (It’s a trick. I will never pull that look off.)
William Shatner
When did he get so old? Is someone following him around with bubble wrap and a defibrillator yet? Can we get someone on that?
Angela Lansbury
I sincerely thought she was dead before today. The relief I felt at learning she was not, in fact, deceased tells me that we aren’t ready to let her go.
Patrick Stewart
NOPE. Never. Same goes for his buddy…
Ian McKellen
The two cutest old men in the world. Live forever or take me with you.
Michael Caine
More like Michael BAEne. No dying allowed.
Jerry Stiller
After the year we’ve had, no more funny people get to die. Sorry, buddy, you’re stuck with us for a while.
Oprah
She’s only 60, but it’s never too early to start reminding her that she is never allowed to leave us.
Sidney Poitier
If he dies, who will be here to occasionally remind us what unworthy plebes we are? I mean that. We need that.
Clint Eastwood
Here’s the thing: if Clint Eastwood isn’t around to be Clint Eastwood, some shitty little Hollywood baby-man is going to try to be Clint Eastwood and I cannot with that.
Jack Nicholson
tbh he might’ve been dead for years. Someone take off his sunglasses and check.
Dustin Hoffman
Not permitted to kick it until he’s in a Wes Anderson movie (that feels inevitable, right?)
Anthony Hopkins
We will always need someone to scare us in the best way.
Chevy Chase
Why do I get the feeling he isn’t taking care of his health? CHEVY, TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH, WE LOVE YOU.
Steve Martin
It’s about time for a late-in-life movie comeback, right? Yeah, totally. Dying would be a really ridiculous and unnecessary thing to do.
Harrison Ford
He’s roughly a thousand years old and most of us would still hit it. Talent like that is too rare to go away.
Doris Roberts
Okay, I’m just going to say it: She was the only watchable part of Everybody Loves Raymond. There. I said it. I’ll accept your hate here.
Sean Connery
Without him, who would make us feel weirdly ambivalent about vaguely sexist characters? And what, we’re just never going to hear that voice again? Do you honestly think humanity is in a solid enough place to weather a blow like that right now?
George Takei
The internet will shut down upon his death, possibly forever.
Christopher Walken
We will never stop needing Walken.
Robert DeNiro
I still haven’t been able to talk him into quitting acting in favor of having a full-time job intimidating my dates into treating me respectfully before I go out with them, so he needs to keep living. And also return my emails.
Jane Fonda
Too healthy and fabulous to die; I’m not concerned.
Tina Turner
I feel like when we see what finally takes out the ultimate survivor, we’ll all feel slightly more vulnerable forever.
Ellen Burstyn
I don’t think any of us has ever stopped wanting to save, protect, hug, and love Ellen Burstyn since Requiem For A Dream so her death simply will not do.
Carol Burnett
All the funny ladies must stay. Period.
Maggie Smith
There are so many roles that simply won’t be able to exist at all if Maggie Smith isn’t here to play them.
Florence Henderson
Ditto what I said about Bill Cosby. It’s comforting to know she’s out there.
Shirley MacLaine
Speaking on behalf of everyone from the South, we will never be ready.
Julie Andrews
The hills are ALIVE, Julie. Alive.
Susan Sarandon
I’m almost incapable of discussing a world without her. Let’s just move on.
Diane Keaton
I’m banking on the idea that happy people live forever. (Yes, I know that’s not actually a thing. I just made it up.)
