The Most Asinine Plastic Surgery Yet

I hate to break the bad news: if you thought your hands were pretty cute, you're wrong. Before you share that engagement ring selfie, you may want to consider getting a hand-lift. Because your Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter friends don't care about your emotional happiness if you have wrinkly 90-year-old woman hands.

According to Pix11, the rise in engagement announcements on social media has led to an increase in the number of hand-lifts performed by plastic surgeons. “I never liked how my hands looked,” Alexandra Berry told the network, “I always thought my hands were a little boyish growing up so I figured why not. Engagement pictures are just around the corner and there’s no better time.” No time like the present to pump up the volume on those hands, that's what I always say.

The procedure, performed by Dr. Ariel Ostad, "promises to restore and replenish lost volume in the hands, giving it a fuller and younger look for the picture perfect selfie." Hand-lifts last about nine months and cost $1200, which is money you could save through several courses of action: a) "get your four-year-old cousin to model your ring," as suggested by Julia Shonenshein at The Gloss, b) wear gloves over your monstrously ugly hands, c) accept that your hands just aren't what they used to be.

I'd love for women to stop getting all asinine plastic surgeries in a constant effort to become perfect little Stepford Wives. But the hand-lift really takes the cake. Although it's a simple procedure (unlike being re-made in the image of Jennifer Lawrence), the implications are dangerous. We will, apparently, stop at nothing to achieve an impossible standard of beauty.

Guys, everyone will be too blinded by camera flash bouncing off your million karat diamond ring to notice that you have wrinkly nail beds or whatever these women are concerned about. Save your energy (and your money) for creating an Instagram-worthy wedding (no surgery required, I might add). You're hands are lovely the way they are.