The 13 Best Ways to Beat the Heat

The polar vortex is (finally) a distant memory, and we're thrilled. Except for one little thing ... the extreme heat is coming. Summer would be perfect if it weren't so damn hot all the time.

Do you ever find yourself wishing spring weather would stick around just a little bit longer? I mean, there's just so much to dislike about 90-degree weather — sweat making your clothes stick to your body, humidity turning your hair into a ball of fluff, the rays of sunlight gently frying your skin. I could go on, but I'll spare you.

So it's late afternoon in mid-July and the temperature has just climbed to 100 degrees and you're melting. Like actually melting. Into a puddle. On the floor. Your janky window unit is rattling away in the corner but somehow, the room keeps getting hotter and hotter. What's a woman reduced sweat and tears do you do?

Here's the good news: people have been beating the heat for centuries. Methods vary from sucking it up, to rubbing an ice cream cone all over your body, to taking a dip in a cool lake (I'll admit that last one is most appealing). We all have our strategies. Perhaps this list will help you cull some new ones, just in time for summer.

Go to the movies

Movie theaters are so cold that you might as well bring your polar vortex gear, no matter what the weather. Sure, you just paid $15 to see Step Up 15: Rooftop Flashmob or whatever, but at least you'll be shivering as you watch.

Snack on ice cubes

When it's hot as balls outside, regular water just won't do. Bonus points for rubbing them on yourself.

Go for a swim (duh)

This one is obvious. If you're too hot, dive into the nearest body of water. Lake, ocean, public pool, Hudson River... (just kidding, please not the Hudson River).

Host a water balloon fight

All your dreams of being drenched in water, no pool required.

Nap in front of a powerful fan

I know, I know — fans technically make you warmer. But sometimes we get desperate and the only way we can get through the day is to sleep in front of a blast of air for a few hours. Psychologically, anyway, it feels better.

Watch Frozen so many times that you convince yourself you're Elsa

What is she complaining about anyway? You'd kill to turn every surface in your house to ice right now.

Make (or just eat) your own ice cream

Sure you could go out for ice cream, but making your own will increase the amount of time you get to spend around cold things. Plus, if you run out ... just make some more!

Go on a frozen food shopping spree

Head to the grocery store and spend as much time as possible in the frozen food aisle, stocking up on cold packages to bury yourself under once you get home.

Hit an indoor ice skating rink

Even if you're terrible at ice skating, imagine the sweet relief that will come when you fall and get to touch the ice.

Take a walk through your neighborhood sprinklers

Live in the suburbs? Take advantage of those neighbors who are destroying the planet! At least they're doing you a service, right?

Periodically stick your head in the freezer

So maybe this isn't the most economically-friendly way to cool off. But it sure is one of the most satisfying.

Buy an ice vest

Yes, really.

Have Yourself Some Cold Shower Sex

Or, if you don't have any takers, perhaps just a nice, cold shower.