There's a Birch Box for Condoms

It's like Birchbox…but for condoms! Men of America now have the opportunity to order a monthly subscription of custom condoms in super cute (sorry, MASCULINE) boxes thanks to something called — wait for it — The Cocksman Club.

The club (which is all about spreading sex, safely and rampantly, per founder Ethan Basch) offers several appropriately (or inappropriately named, should I say?) packages depending on how "active" a dude is. The club offers The Player package, with three condoms of your choice for $5 a month; The All-Star, with six condoms for $8 a month; The Champion, with $10 condoms for $10 a month — ooh, dollar condoms! It's like the dollar store for condoms! — and The Legend, which, I suppose is Legendary, because it's 24 condoms (wow, that's sex almost every day, you stallion) for $20 a month. Cocksmen can choose from thirteen kinds of condoms, which are sent to their doorsteps in "discreet envelopes" so that they don't have to go buy their condoms at the pharmacy, 'cause protected sex is awk-WARD!

The Cocksman club is rooted in the frat-boy mentality that safe sex just isn't cool, so Basch aims to make condoms cool again. He's adamant about it (the cool factor, that is): "the cool kids have to do it first." This ideology is so important to him, that he said that he and his cohorts "mustered up a group of trend-setting influencers on campuses in major cities" and got them to post on Facebook about The Cocksman Club. These super-elite guys are a “mix between athletes, fraternity guys, student government guys, [and] surf team guys in the West Coast.” BECAUSE NOBODY WOULD TRUST AN ARTIST WHO USES CONDOMS, DUH.

It seems like Basch wants to exclude people from this club o' cocks. It's elitism at it's lowest, literally down to the dick. Artists, software engineers, musicians, actors (oh, actors), and plenty of Beta-males put their peens in ladies, too. Safe sex isn't just cool, it's a must. Smart people have safe sex, not just cool guys.

But perhaps Basch knew that those Beta males were putting condoms on their man parts anyway, and that they have the balls to go to a CVS and buy the damn things. Hell, most women are ballsy enough to buy them, anyway.