'A Child's First Book Of Trump' Is Too Real RN

Donald Trump was a famous real estate mogul and personality two decades ago. One decade ago, Trump was both of those things and also a reality TV star. One year ago, he was beginning a run for president, and everyone thought he was doomed for failure. Today, Trump is the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, and so offensive, so absurd, and so full of hot air that someone made him into a children's book. Yes, it is murky in nature and simultaneously true: Trump is the subject of a children's book. A Child's First Book of Trump is well-timed and hilariously disturbing, but it is very, very real.

Can we all just take a second to appreciate the cover of this book? Frankly, the Louvre doesn't hold superior art. This art is honest; it's unabashed. I'm not going to dance around this one — this is a flippin' masterpiece. It's Marc Rosenthal's magnum opus. It's Dr. Seuss plus the Republican National Convention. It's the Lorax shaving its mustache and pasting it onto its scalp, but then getting lip fillers to reconcile the empty space. This book is clearly what children need, and to top it off, author and comedian Michael Ian Black probably didn't even need to simplify Trump's presidential platform to make this story happen.

That's pretty much how Black feels, however. In an interview with The Daily Beast, Black revealed his reason for writing the picture book:

It is alarming to think about, at its core, what is the distillation of the Trump phenomenon. ... He has no platform, principles, or character. So what does he have? Two things. One, deporting millions of people and two, banning Muslims. If that is the essence of his message, then that is alarming for what it says about us as a nation.

The book summarizes Black's beliefs quite succinctly, from the looks of it.

The Amazon advertisement page describes the book as follows:

What do you do when you spot a wild Trump in the election season? New York Times bestselling author and comedian Michael Ian Black has some sage advice for children (and all the rest of us who are scratching our heads in disbelief) in this perfectly timely parody picture book intended for adults that would be hysterical if it wasn't so true.

Yes, of course, the book is actually for adults, but who is to say a child cannot appreciate this Trumpity goodness? (And really, he does look like the Lorax with a few modifications.)

If further reason to read this is required, I present the following excerpt from the book:

The beasty is called an American Trump. Its skin is bright orange, its figure is plump. Its fur so complex you might get enveloped. Its hands though are, sadly, underdeveloped.

This tale, which features a species called the Americus Trumpus, explains how to identify such a creature, and what to do upon encountering it. In the meantime, Black knows that if Trump does become president, his own blooming career will follow. So maybe there is a silver lining in all of this Trump madness.