8 Meditators Share Their Best Love Advice

As the daughter of an astrologer, I’ve always been raised to listen to my third eye, my inner voice, my heart and of course, the stars. My mom has a gentle way of reminding me to not only take care of my physical health with yearly check-ups (and vitamins), but to focus on my mental health and well-being too, too. While I’ve always found it difficult to truly meditate, I’ve been keeping a gratitude journal for more than a year that helps me come back to a place of happiness and positivity every single day. This moment of rest in my otherwise busy, chaotic, and robust life is a moment I look forward to and an easy, resting period that I need to maintain my sanity.

And while it hasn’t exactly helped me find the love of my life, it has given me a brighter perspective on love, dating and all of the future feel-good emotions I’m sure are in my celestial destiny. If you talk to dedicated meditators who truly take time to clear their mind, find their zen, and encourage others to do the same, they have a lot to say about how that quiet time can impact your love life.

From the ability to keep your heart open after so many failed experiences to the importance of putting yourself first, these eight meditators share their best piece of love advice:

1. Honor Your Emotions

Love is essentially chaotic and messy. It’s rife with deep emotions. Fear, happiness, anxiety, stress, excitement, and longing are all regular occurrences. For the sake of the love itself, it’s best to take a step back and realize how great these emotions really are. -Matthew Mercuri, meditating for a year

2. Accept What You Can’t Change

We tend to get in our own heads worrying needlessly about relationships, especially romantic ones. Meditation has reminded me that you cannot change somebody's actions but control your reaction. Also, reflecting on loving kindness has made me a more compassionate human being, feeling lighter with self-love that spreads out to others, even strangers.” -Ko Im, meditating for two years

3. Having An Open Heart Is Most Important

You will be your best self possible when you have an open heart that’s full of immense gratitude, forgiveness and compassion. You will more likely bring out the best in others. I often say, ‘Let go of the mind and open your heart, it knows the way!’ -Anita C. Rafidi, meditating for more than seven years

4. Be Flexible With Change

Since meditation helps you see the transient nature of all existence, the best love advice I can offer is to remember that ‘things change.’ Perhaps you put your loved one on a pedestal. Things change. Your partner may fall from grace. Are you willing to forgive? Or maybe your partner has an annoying habit. Things change. Your loved one may not want to give up the habit. Are you willing to change your expectations? Although things can seem like they ‘will always be this way,’ it's likely that they will shift. Is this a relationship you want to nurture despite its ebbs and flows — or, has the relationship run its course? Recognizing the transient nature of things can give you the opportunity to look at your relationship with more clarity, and make choices that can ultimately fill your heart with love. -author Joy Rains, meditating since 1987

5. Love Yourself First and Foremost

Put the oxygen mask on yourself first! I can't show up to love someone else very well when I've neglected myself all day. When I love myself in the way I want to be loved, oddly enough, my husband loves me more too. And when I nurture myself in loving ways, I have a lot more care and affection to give to him. -Angela Howell, meditating for 15 years

6. Don’t Be Afraid to Let Love Grow

When it comes to love, meditation has taught me to learn how to pause, and actually allow love to blossom and mature. The idea that [people] should be learning how to recognize love over ‘lust’ is wrong. Some people have claimed to feel ‘love at first sight’, but they’ve been the lucky ones whose lust actually did mature into love. The integrity that truly is love is not something that happens in an instant. The pause in the fluctuations of the mind — or nirodaha — is where we can find the truth that is love. Meditation can teach us to move slowly and see what develops rather than just get ‘hooked into the heat of the moment.’ -Ken Immer, meditating for more than 12 years

7. Focus on the Good

Often when my husband and I argue or I feel like he is not being considerate and is hurting my feelings, it feels like he is antagonizing or ignoring me on purpose. In the past, I would let those feelings and the ensuing negative thought process continue, which often resulted in big arguments with crying and whatnot. Meditation has helped me recognize those negative thoughts. Once I realize my thoughts are following that negative pattern, I am able to stop and tell myself, "Assume good will. Your husband does not intentionally mean to hurt your feelings." The conversation about my hurt feelings that results is much more effective and relationship-building than the fights that would happen before. -Katherine Firestone, meditating for six months

8. Be Clear About What You Want

Meditation is all about being in the moment and when it comes to matters of the heart and love it’s no different. Being in the moment isn’t so much about you showing up and being present, although that’s very important too. It’s more about your attention to your intention for yourself within the relationship. To figure out what you really want within a relationship begins by asking yourself this question; ‘What am I wanting to experience for me within this relationship?’ Once you’ve answered that question paint yourself a picture by asking, ‘What does that look like, feel like, sound like, taste like or even smell like this thing you are wanting to experience?’ If you are stumped and you just don’t know what you want ask yourself this question, ‘What don’t I want to experience in this relationship?’ Write a list of all the things that come up for you, then flip it. -Debra Dearborne, meditating for 43 years

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