Asking someone what they like in the bedroom isn't exactly common dinner party conversation; in fact, many would be offended merely by the topic being brought up. In order to dispell the stigma that exists around sex, sexuality, and sexual desire, The School of Life on YouTube put together a video showing people talking about their sexual fantasies — and even though it might be uncomfortable for some, having an authentic dialogue about our sexuality is just what's needed to eliminate the shame that's so frequently associated with our desires. "Despite talk of liberation, our sexual lives remain the focus of immense amounts of shame," the channel writes in the video's description. So, in an attempt to "deal with this," they're opening up the conversation about what our sex lives are really like without sensationalism, stereotypes, or judgment of any kind. How? By asking a selection of willing participants some detailed questions about their sex lives.
The School of Life first asked the participants to summarize where they are in regards to sex and relationships in order to give viewers some context for their answers. Two of the participants are actively practicing non-monogamy; one says he is living with his girlfriend while also having other lovers; one is "just dating" right now; another is single and has only had sex once in the past few months; and the final participant has just separated from a long term romantic partner. So, there's definitely diversity.
Let's take a look at three fantasies revealed by the participants below, along with a look at what those fantasies might mean; to see more, make sure to scroll down and watch the full video.
1. Being Dominated
One of the non-monogamous participants describes her fantasy of wanting to play into the role of being submissive, as it relates to her womanhood. She's mostly had female partners, but says she's been toying with the idea of playing out this fantasy with a man over the last few months. "I want a guy to f*ck my brains out and to overpower me," she says. She describes this as relating to the gender roles of society, which dictate that men should be dominant and women submissive — an idea she's rejected in the past, but has an interest "in playing into" now and seeing how it feels. The desire to be sexually submissive may be linked to a number of other traits; for some, for example, it's connected to the desire to be humiliated. There is sometimes also a link between between who are dominant in other parts of their lives and the desire to be dominated in the bedroom; furthermore, it might also represent a desire to be accepted by others.
2. Having A Threesome
The woman who is "just dating" describes her fantasy of wanting to be with two male partners at the same time, with each of them succumbing to her every desires. "The idea of two beautiful beings being with me and treating me like a queen... like a 'feeding me grapes' type of thing" really intrigues her, she says. This actually combines two fantasies: one of having a perfect lover and another of a having a threesome. .Sexologist Dr. Justine Shuey explains that this is a very common sexual fantasy, because it's considered to be socially unacceptable and people want to go "against the status quo. As she explained to Spectrum, the more stigma there is around an act, “the hotter it is for people."
3. Having Sex With A Stranger
Another participant describes desiring to "cross boundaries" with someone, where she doesn't know what to expect next, with an element of teasing being involved. She describes one example as crossing paths with a stranger on a bus, only to have him start fondling her, although she says it could "also be a she," in this scenario. This falls into the fantasy of having sex with a stranger. Sex therapist Ian Kerner cites a 2001 study that found 80 percent of women in relationships have had this type of fantasy in the last two months. The reason? Wanting to be wanted. "Fantasizing about someone new is a way of recalling how fantastic it felt to be so obviously pursued," he told the Huffington Post.
Do any of these fantasies sound like ideas that you've desired? To hear about even more of these strangers' sexual fantasies, make sure to watch the full video.
Images: The School Of Life/YouTube(3); Pixabay
