We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, to help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Now, onto today's topic: how to masturbate when you live with roommates.
Q: I’m working on learning to have my first orgasm, so I’ve been doing a lot of masturbating. Well, “trying to” might be the more accurate description. I live in a house with four roommates, and it feels like there’s always someone there. Is it weird to masturbate when other people are at home? How can I prevent my living situation from destroying my chance to jill off?
A: Congrats on starting your orgasmic journey! Masturbating is such a great step to take, and having roommates shouldn’t need to interfere. Here are 11 tricks for getting that O even when you’ve got a full house.
1. Don’t Be Ashamed
First things first — there’s absolutely nothing weird about masturbating when you have roommates at home. I’m willing to bet that most if not all of your roommates do the same. Your room is your private zone, and you should feel free to do what you want in it, as long as you’re not disturbing your roommates. Of course, it wouldn’t be very respectful to scream loudly or blast porn, but the simple act of masturbating is just fine.
2. Get A Lock For Your Door
Let’s start with the easiest solution. If you’re worried about privacy, make sure you have a good lock on your door. You can’t underestimate the peace of mind that comes along with knowing someone won’t be able to barge in on you. You can replace your doorknob with one that has a lock, or you can install a simple bolt. Make sure to check with your landlord first, of course.
3. Soundproof Your Room
If you share walls with another bedroom, you can try hanging tapestries to try to dampen some of the sound. If you have large gaps between your doors and the floor, squeeze a towel in there to prevent sound from escaping. If your bed creaks, get some WD-40 up in those joints. You can also buy an inexpensive white noise machine to block out even more sound, or try playing a white noise video on YouTube.
Sound Spa Machine, $20, Amazon
4. Play Music
If your soundproofing efforts aren’t enough, turn on music while you masturbate. You want to keep it at a reasonable volume and during respectful hours, of course, but a little bit of music should be more than enough to drown out your moans of pleasure.
5. Use Your Shower Time Wisely
The shower is a great place to masturbate. No one’s going to interrupt you when they know you’re soaping up. You can play around with showerheads or tub faucets for a different type of masturbation sensation. You can even bring in a waterproof vibrator, since the sound of the shower will drown out the motor. Obviously, don’t do this in the morning before work when everyone else is waiting to take their turns — and no long showers if you’re in a drought area, please!
6. Buy Quiet Toys
If you’re a fan of vibrators, I highly suggest researching quiet toys. They may be small, but those $10 bullet vibrators tend to be quite noisy, so you’re most likely going to need to invest in a higher-quality toy. The Minna Life Limon and CRAVE Duet are two of the quietest toys I’ve ever come across. You can take a field trip to your local sex toy shop to test out the volume of all of the toys they have on display.
Minna Limon Vibrator, $119, Amazon; Crave Duet Vibrator, $349, Amazon
If there’s a particular toy you have in mind, try reading a few sex toy reviews online to see what different people said about the volume. Good Vibrations has a pretty handy chart of some of the products they carry.
7. Use Headphones When You Watch Porn
Watching porn when roommates are around can be tricky, since the audio in many movies tends to fluctuate wildly. One moment everything is almost uncomfortably quiet, and the next moment someone is screaming like there’s no tomorrow. If you like watching porn while you masturbate, I highly recommend using earbud headphones. Put one headphone in one of your ears, and leave the other one out. That way you’ll be able to hear if someone comes home or knocks on your door. (If you're really nervous, you can also always try written erotica or Tumblr porn GIFs.)
8. Muffle Your Moans
If you tend to make a lot of noise when you masturbate, there are plenty of sexy ways to keep your moans in check. Try holding a pillow over your face (make sure you can still breathe, of course!), or bite down on your hand or the corner of a blanket. You can also play around with masturbating on your stomach, with your face in the pillows (this is the preferred masturbation position for a lot of women).
Another good technique is to try holding your breath for short periods of time as you approach orgasm (again, be careful not to go overboard. We don’t want you passing out in the middle of your self-loving session). Some women find that this helps push them over the edge, so it serves a dual purpose.
9. Pretend You’re Meditating
This is one of my favorite sneaky little tips. It works especially well if you have roommates who tend to barge in on you or always want to hang out. Tell your roommates that you’re taking up meditation, and need to have uninterrupted time in your room. Hang up a sign that says, “meditation in progress,” and ask your roommates not to disturb you if the sign is up. In my mind, masturbation is a form of meditation, so it’s not that far from the truth!
10. Have An Excuse Ready
Even with your best efforts, there are probably going to be times when one of your roommates knocks on your door or calls out for you when your hand is down your pants. To minimize your embarrassment in the moment, try coming up with an excuse beforehand so you’re prepared. Say something like, “give me a minute, I was just changing into my comfy clothes.”
11. Make It Into A Game
Of course it’s frustrating that you can’t have privacy when you want it, but try to jump on the opportunities to masturbate in peace when you get them! Even with four roommates, there have to be some times when you’re alone in your home. You can even get playful with it by trying to encourage your roommates to go out, or heading home early with a “headache” when you’re all out getting drinks together. Some women get off on the thrill of potentially being caught, so you may even find that trying to rub out a quick one before your roommates get home ends up being far more sexy than annoying.
Have fun exploring!
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