News

If Republicans Made Closing Statements In Emojis

by Joseph D. Lyons

Oct. 27, 2015

Wednesday night's debate features the same cast of characters. Donald Trump and Ben Carson have set some demands on time and the debate's format, so what if CNBC countered with a creative challenge? Trump and Carson wrote a letter to CNBC demanding not only a shorter debate but also an open-ended opening question and time reserved for a closing statement. But what if instead of a 30-second closing statement, CNBC demanded the candidates use emojis to express their candidacies? Bear with me here.

Imagine the showdown. The candidates would have Apple's new emojis to work with. Not only would they have the suggestive middle finger at their disposal, but 150 new ways to express how they're the person for the job. Last time around at the September Republican debate, Trump said that if he becomes president, all the things talked about at the debate would not be forgotten but instead turned into effective policy. Imagine if he means it: His emoji closing statement could go down in history as the first law passed completely written in emojis.

Carly Fiorina was all, "Lady Liberty this, Lady Justice that." Throw in a few American flags and that's one patriotic-looking closing statement. With all those candidates still in the running, this could be a great way to break out of the pack.

Jeb Bush

Sure, he may be part of a political dynasty but Florida has great weather. He's fair, will get to work, and he even believes in a pathway to citizenship.

Ben Carson

For those who believe Obama wasn't the real deal, there's Carson. He's got the means to fix the country, be it with guns or a good brain surgery.

Chris Christie

He's rockin' the suburbs. Just don't look at his scandals.

Ted Cruz

This Canadian-born senator is really, really, really from Texas — even though his dad was born in Cuba and his mom in Delaware. Just call and ask Trump.