I am going to "open up" a little bit here: As a writer for an online media outlet, I have a particular fear and hatred of Internet commenters, especially the anonymous variety. Why? Because regardless of what I write, someone, somewhere, will vomit grammatically-incorrect vitriol all over my article. When that inevitably happens, I always wonder: What if people acted like Internet commenters in real life?
Clearly I'm not the only one who has thought about how bizarre this situation might be (or the only one with an ego bruised by trolls), because BuzzFeed created a video asking the very same question. And the results? They're pretty entertaining. Released just two days ago, "If People Acted Like Internet Commenters IRL" highlights some of my personal favorite complaints, including the "I just wasted three minutes of my life that I'll never get back" grumps or the inexplicable "FIRST COMMENT" people. We all know them. Maybe you are one of them. Who knows, right?
But while it's fun to goof about Internet commenters, I do think there are some grains of truth underneath the comedy here. Anonymous commenting brings out a whole new side of crazy human behavior, and most of it isn't great. It's actually pretty scary, the way some people lash out when they think no one is looking. So next time, if you're about to hit "post" on a crazy negative comment, just remember: It's your own damn fault for watching that video all the way through, or reading that article, or clicking that link. You've heard of looking before you leap, right? Well, maybe we should all think before we comment, too. You can disagree with someone without being a jerk about it.
If people acted like Internet commenters in real life, though, these things would definitely come to pass:
1. No one would tell an anecdote ever again.
"That's three minutes of my life I'll never get back, so..."
2. Going to a bar would be even more terrible than it is now.
"FIRST"
"FIRST"
"FIRST"
3. Empathy would cease being an emotion.
"WHO CARES?!"
4. "Being set up" would take on a whole new level of weird.
"Ugh, I totally ship you guys. OTP!"
5. Humor would be boiled down to one single word.
"Same."
Check out the full video here:
Images: Sasha Poeflepp/Flickr; BuzzFeedVideo/YouTube (5)
