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12 Things From Apple We Actually Want
On the first day of Christmas, Apple gave to us ... its "12 Days Of Gifts" feature. Festive! The gifts — which consist of one free download for twelve consecutive days — are left a surprise until the very last minute. But in past year, free downloads have included episodes of Sherlock and How I Met Your Mother. (Wowee!)
The feature gift promo has been around in Europe, Japan and Canada for years, but this is the first year "12 Days Of Gifts" made it to America. The app went live on the App Store Tuesday, and will officially kick off gift-giving on 26 Dec., all the way through to 6 Jan. So there's something to cure your post-Christmas blues.
Except ... all of these gifts won't do much about the $3,000 price tag firmly attached to Apple's Mac Pro, or stop your old iPhone from committing a slow and irritating suicide. So, instead of free TV downloads, here are 12 days of gifts from Apple that we actually want.
Day 1: We want President Obama to buy an iPhone
It's nearly 2014, and the leader of the free world continues to use a BlackBerry. This is just embarrassing.
As we reported:
Even if he could give up the BlackBerry, iPhones are out of the question for the president. After all, Apple is one of the companies that’s possibly given over some data to the National Security Administration (NSA,) and BlackBerry is famous for, amongst other things, its world-class security.
Not cool.
Day 2: We want our iPhones to live and prosper for more than, like, a year
Every new addition of iOS or OS X seems to slows down our aging devices, making life harder — and our need for a new device greater. We see right through you, you Apple bastards.
If you'll excuse us, we'll be at the Apple Store, buying something shiny and new.
Day 3: We Want That Mac Pro To Be Affordable
Look, we can be flexible about the word "affordable." But not in a "$3,000 for a laptop" way. Silly Apple.
Day 4: We Want A Smartwatch
Rumors have been swirling for months and months about the super-secret "iWatch" Apple is developing. We're impatient. Samsung and LG have already got their smartwatches on the market — so where's Apple's?
Day 5: We Want Apple HQ To Open
One of Steve Jobs' last public announcements before his death was about the launch of a futuristic, painstakingly designed Apple HQ. (Whatever Google can do, eh?) It's slated to be ready by about 2016, but we want it now. Christmas has brought out the spoiled child in us.
It looks a lot like the Mac Pro, which is weird.
Day 6: We Don't Want Apple To Merge With Microsoft
According to one analyst, Apple and Microsoft could quite possibly merge in the next decade in order to complete with Google. "I think that Apple and Microsoft may not only have to work together for the next few years but may even see a merger in the next five to ten years from now," said Keith Fitz-Gerald, "because they're going to have to take on the Google/Android/Facebooks of the world."
He was speaking on Fox Business, though, so we'll take that with a pinch of salt. Still, creepy.
Day 7: We Want Curved iPhones
Well, we think we do, anyway. Apple's gotten itself a patent for a "curved touch sensor," and whispers have been flying that the company could develop a curved smartphone, curved iPad, curved iWatch ... you get the idea.
8) We want Apple to get on board with Bitcoin
So far, Apple has remained notoriously tight-lipped about Bitcoin, but is rejecting all Bitcoin-related apps, presumably until the Feds decide how to deal with the "cryptocurrency." That involves experts in technology explaining to old white men exactly what Bitcoin is, so our guess is that it'll take a long, long time.
You used to be ahead of the game, Apple! Get back in there!
Day 9: We Want Apple To Keep It Classy
When Nelson Mandela passed away, Apple's homepage became a tribute to the former South African president.
Previously, Apple's homepage has eulogized the death of figured like Rosa Parks, George Harrison, and of course Steve Jobs. Promise us you'll keep it classy, and not just when people die.
Day 10: We want an app for perfect vision
Here's a bonus on the App Store you weren't expecting: an app to improve your eyesight. The GlassesOff app (subtle!) offers you at at-home eye test, and then offers you a thrice-weekly personalized eye test to, apparently, stave off age-related short-sightedness.
The app was tested for the journal Scientific Reports, and it seemed to work: "Participants on average could read letters 1.6 times smaller than they could previously," writes the Wall Street Journal. "The program is much more likely to show improvement in adults 40 to 60 years old, scientists say.
What's next? An app that'll paint our nails for us? Reduce joint pain? Perform a massage? There's always next year...
