The world of online dating: a modern invention that makes finding a man or woman as easy as online shopping, without being so strenuous on your credit card. But with having the benefit of making contact with anyone in any place, at any time, comes the added chore of finding a quality person online — aka wading through the good and the bad to finally find that suitor who will understand your obsession with corgis and your need to watch every season of Gilmore Girls in one sitting.
Fortunately, sites like OkCupid are making it (somewhat) easier for us, opening up our world to a sea of eligible bachelors or bachelorettes in our area, and making it simple to talk to them. I have been on the site since May, and I have to say, the number of dates I've been on has gone up quite a bit since joining...granted that number before was zero... but I digress.
As much of a cornucopia of possibilities the site seems to be, there are still some guys and girls out there who are trolling, creeping or just may not be looking for what you're looking for, so it's important to go on prepared when you're browsing for a new partner-in-crime. Here are the best ways to spot a winner on OkCupid, and make sure that winner takes you out for a nice glass of wine, and quality conversation.
1. They Lead In With Something That Shows They've Read Your Profile
If they decided to say hello first, it's important that they're a tad more creative than “heyy” with two “ys.” Any person who takes initiative, and comments on something that you said in your profile, whether it was about your job which is obviously important to you, or your ongoing curiosity about Jon Snow's death status, it shows that this person took the time to read your profile. What's more, it shows they liked what they saw, and now they're interested to learn more.
On the most basic level, it's also a lot easier to start a conversation with someone when they comment on your uncanny knowledge of hip coffee spots, as opposed working with a “what's up”.
2. They Have A Keen Sense Of Grammatical Accuracy
I don't know about you, but I need someone who goes out of his way to spell check their profile, and won't revert to the AIM speak of the early 2000s. If a they know how to spell correctly, uses grammar well, and even has a sophisticated vocabulary to boot, I may just hear wedding bells.
3. They're Obviously Intelligent, But Not Self-Righteous
Something I've come across a few times on my quest for a man on OkCupid is that some of the guys out there feel a need to project their intelligence in a way that says, “You're probably not on my level.” There is nothing worse than going on a date with someone who references a million different novels you've likely never read, while condescendingly explaining why your opinions are wrong. It's important to meet someone confident and well-versed in what's going on around them (especially if you value that) but the last thing you want is someone who thinks they know everything.
4. You Can Tell They're Passionate About What They Do
In my humble opinion, there is nothing sexier than a guy who is really into what he's doing. Whether he's a graphic designer, an engineer, or devoting his heart and soul to a start-up, a guy who has a sense of where he is, and where he wants to be is both confident, and motivated. You'll know this right away, because they will talk about it on their profile, with gusto. Plus, if they're working or involved in projects you know little about, you'll be able to learn something from him.
5. The “Message Me If” Section Matches What You're Looking For
While this little bit of someone's profile may be easily overlooked, I find that last note could reveal a lot. Sometimes, a person will let you know what they're looking for here, saying something like “If you're looking for something fun and lighthearted,” or “if you're looking for someone to explore NYC with,” which is important, because it'll help you gauge whether his or her wants match yours.
6. They Enjoy Netflix Binging And Food-Themed Adventures
For whatever reason, OkCupid is full of Netflix aficionados, which I always considered to be the Holy Grail, because who doesn't want to snuggle all day, and watch their favorite show, episode by episode? Also, there's nothing better than a foodie, because let's face it, food is the best, and having someone to share it with is even better. A self-proclaimed food lover and Netflix indulger will be the perfect combination of content with staying in, while also enjoying going out on the town every once and a while. Who doesn't want that balance?
7. One Of The “6 Things You Can't Live Without” Is Not Sex
Yes, we know you like sex. A majority of people on this planet do. But saying that sex is something you cannot live without is weird, and borderline creepy. Not only does it feel like this person is already somehow pressuring you into sex, but because they've made it a priority, it's likely all they want at this moment.
8. They Refrain From Phrases Like, “I Love Having Fun”
Once again, thank you Captain Obvious! We all love having fun; that's the definition of fun, something inherently enjoyable. I may be judging a little too harshly here, but when a guy says he enjoys fun, it makes me think he doesn't really have anything else interesting to say about himself.
9. They Don't Describe What They Want In A Woman
Nor do they have a somewhat long, and intimidating list of characteristics this person should have. If a guy or girl spends his time dwelling on what they don't want, you suddenly feel subjected to a checklist that makes you question whether or not you're worthy of this person. And you haven't even met them yet.
There's a kind and simple way to state what you're looking for, leaving specific details are dealt with later on when you finally meet someone. It shouldn't be about a checklist, but how you feel when you're with that person. Chances are when they're focusing too much on small details, they has a list of insecurities of his own that he's hiding behind.
10. You've Read Their Profile, And You've Actually Smiled Or Even Laughed
For me, the guys that I feel compelled to talk to are the ones who have a unique sense of humor they were able to express through their profile. Yes, it's very hard describing yourself, and it's even harder to do it in a quirky, yet charming way, but when a guy does do it, it feels like you've hit the jackpot. If he's a bit on the sillier side, it shows me he doesn't really take himself too seriously, and that's the kind of person I get along with most. It's also the kind of person you're most likely to have fun with; even if it doesn't work out, at least you'll have some good memories with this person.
11. OkCupid Says You're Compatible
Not sure how much you are actually paying attention to that weird percentage at the top that tells you your likelihood of being a match, or an enemy, but it's somewhat important. Whether OkCupid has mastered the Science behind compatibility or not, it's nice to know that the person you're about to talk to has some common interests and values with you. Besides, who wants to go out with a guy or girl if they've been told there is an 85 percent chance they'll be enemies?
At the end of the day, online dating is a lot of searching for similar interests, along with listening to gut feelings...and yes, attraction definitely matters too. Like all the other important things in life, online dating is trial and error, OkCupid being no exception. So the next time you log on, and sift through your matches, keep and open mind, but stay true to what you value in a partner.
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